Love After Love #Poem #MovingOn

There is hope after all…beautiful poem.

Love After Love

The time will come when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

– Derek Walcott

Blind Spots could be lethal

News flash! What you don’t know could destroy you especially "the objects (people, relationships, attitudes, mindset etc)" in your blind spot.

This post on #LinkedIn, titled "Your #Blind Spot could be Lethal…Don’t Ignore it" is a reminder of how the things we do not see could be dangerous. Definitely, a good read…feel free to comment and share.

"http://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20140918173022-2553947-your-blind-spot-could-be-lethal

#LOVE Quotes

"Too many people overvalue what they don’t have and undervalue what they have." – Malcolm Forbes

"The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference." – Elie Wiesel

"Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love." – Ellen Key

"The fact is that love is of two kinds, one which commands, and one which obeys. The two are quite distinct, and the passion to which the one gives rise is not the passion of the other." – Honore de Balzac

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." – Jack Layton

"Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it." – Rabindranath Tagore

"We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if
we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love." – Nhat Hanh

"To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful." – Bess Myerson

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." – James A. Baldwin

"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could." – Barbara de Angelis

"The best proof of love is trust." – Joyce Brothers

"Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop." – H. L. Mencken

"The first duty of love is to listen." – Paul Tillich

Trust is an Act of Faith

#Trust is an act of Faith.
Every #Relationship is dependent on #Trust.
However, the issue isn’t necessarily a lack of faith but rather in "Whom" we trust.

We trust our significant others to be faithful.
We believe and adhere to marital vows.
We trust our parents, care givers.
We follow counsellors’ recommendations.
We work hard, confident we will be compensated on payday.
We listen to our colleagues, bosses, influencers even devouring notes, books from professors and business experts without worry.
We submit to the counsel of physicians, experts without reservations.

Yet, I find that many of us struggle when God speaks to us through the Word such that we buckle and doubt…this very post is for you…read the entire post on
http://flofalayi.org/2014/09/19/trust-is-an-act-of-faith/

If you find this devotional (frequency: weekly) useful and helpful, then do these 2 things now.
1: Sign up here:

http://eepurl.com/1FqXn
2: Forward this link to your friends as well.
God bless.

14 Things you should know before you cheat.

This is easily one of the best blog post I have read on this subject of "affair-proofing" one’s relationship or marriage in a while. Guard your heart!

I have itemized the 14 things everyone should know beforehand for easy and quick reference but I recommend reading the entire story by Rod Arters on his blog, (link below).

Background by Rod Arters
"These 14 points come from an extremely painful personal experience. I know what it’s like to fall and not be able to get up. Over the last four years, I have had to learn how to tear down my emotional walls – walls that assisted me in getting in trouble in the first place. I have come to understand the problem with pedestals, especially in the church, and have wrestled with the mechanics of forgiveness, even forgiving me. As difficult as it is, I now embrace my past and appreciate the many regrets. They have become precious to me. As a result of my actions, I have accumulated many scars and now try to learn from each and everyone of them. I have hit “rock bottom” and realized something amazing in the process. God is still here, even if others are not."

Here are the 14 Things you must know before you cheat.

Read on:

I have seen first-hand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning.

Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford. Before you cheat here are 14 things you really need to know.

#1: You will become a liar.
Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end. “I’m working late at the office tonight” may be a half-truth but you’ll need to redefine the word “working” to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.

#2: You will get caught. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds. And everyone likes to share juicy news. Your poor decision will become as public as a billboard. It’s not a matter of if but when. As Pastor Rick Warren tweeted recently, “If the Director of the CIA can’t hide and cover up an affair, no one can.” As the Chinese proverb goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know it, don’t do it.”

#3: You will disappoint everyone. Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your God. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Yourself. The disappointment you cause will be like the stench of skunks and it will take a long time to remove the smell.

#4: You will be a bad example. Everyone is either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do.

Cheating is a not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life.

If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another?

#5: You will lose your moral authority. It’s hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn’t. Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose the respect of others.

#6: You will create trust issues for your spouse. Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love.

For children, their parents relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.

#7: You will (might) lose your standard of living. Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce.

#8: You will spend years trying to rebuild your life. Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do. It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.

#9: You will lose relationships.
You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It’s hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.

#10: You will increase your chances of getting an STD. Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people.

But your paramour is “clean,” right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word. As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.

#11: The grass is not greener on the other side. The “grass is greener” idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It’s not.

The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard.

#12: Would you want this done to you? Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it’s done to them.

Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.

#13: You will eventually regret this decision. In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful.

Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret it. Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.

#14: The pain outweighs the gain. No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I would have had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer’s office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience.
The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.

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Read the entire article here: http://rodarters.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/before-you-cheat-14-things-you-need-to-know/

An Uncommon Life is a choice

Each day you have a choice- to be common or otherwise.To be grateful or ungrateful.
To be happy or sad.
To be strong or weak.
To be bold or timid.
To be faithful or unfaithful.
To be loyal or disloyal.
To be hard working or lazy.
To be merciful or wicked.
To be humble or proud.
To love or hate.

Everyday, you have a choice…today choose to be UNCOMMON.

A Poem titled UNCOMMON MAN-
"I do not choose to be a common man.

It is my right to be uncommon—if I can.

I seek opportunity—not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.

I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole.

I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout.

I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations, and to face the world boldly and say, this I have done."
– Dean Alfange

Your choice; Your day; Your LIFE. Choose wisely.

10 Things, #Singles must address before #Marriage

Friends, TGIF!

This is a fact- those enrolled in my pre-marital class (on-line & in person workshops) are told one of the workshop’s goals is to disrupt your thoughts and expectations about marriage to ensure there are no ‘plan Bs’ and if we succeed in creating enough doubts such that the couple put things off for a while, that in itself is success. Getting someone to suspend their wedding plans is indicative of some gaps and they are probably better figuring those issues out as singles first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because…

  1. Marriage isn’t for day-dreamers.
  2. Marriage isn’t for those that wish but unwilling to work hard.
  3. Marriage is for committed and tested individuals.

In this post, there are 10 things highlighted (there are a few more and would love to hear yours).

These 10 items include –

  1. The Past (this is a matter of when)
  2. Family (Background)
  3. Faith (Critical)
  4. Sex (Critical)
  5. Secrets
  6. Expectations
  7. Money (Critical)
  8. Children
  9. Boundaries (include Domestic Violence here)
  10. Struggles

So if you haven’t declared your intentions, walked down the aisle or enrolled in a pre-marital class. Well, these are 10 Things You Need to Talk About.

Better now, than later.
Trust Me.

More information here: http://www.relationshipsdomatter.com/?p=2683

Silent Victims – My Abusive “Christian” Marriage #DomesticViolence

True story, real life lessons…take a seat and read on.

"More than words" is the appropriate phrase that comes to my mind on how to handle or continue to address the menace of #domesticviolence in our society today.

It is not enough to scream and react when celebrities are involved, although their stories help amplify the prevalence of the problem. Yet, I wonder and pray for the many thousands, actually millions who are silently suffering with no one to speak up on their behalf. Some trapped by the fear of rejection, annihilation, or loss of their livelihood. Shall we continue to hide behind culture, religion and race? Absolutely NOT!

It is important to note some of the forces at work in every conflict, and in particular domestic violence where one will easily find at least two issues at play – control and anger.

Any one (male or female) who lacks self and anger control is susceptible to violence as a means to regain their waning control. Such a character is worse than a city without gates according to the book of proverbs. Such a character will be an target to vices, harm and loss any day.

The story below is true, identities have been protected accordingly but this is very common and silence is not acceptable. Someone must speak up for the #SilentVictims.

My Abusive "Christian" Marriage

I couldn’t believe this was my reality. And I couldn’t see a way out.

"Did Daddy do that?" my daughter asked. Lying on the floor in the doorway of her room, I was stunned as I realized my daughter had just witnessed undeniable physical abuse. Tom’s* anger had escalated into unrestrained rage, and he’d thrown me into our daughter’s bedroom. Con-fused, I began to question my situation: Was I really experiencing domestic violence in my Christian home?

I’d denied the truth so long I was unable to recognize what was really happening. The abuse had started subtly and grown insidiously. My husband and I claimed to be Christians, so how could our marriage be abusive? Unable to give my four-year-old daughter any more excuses, I said, "Yes, Daddy did that." Then I locked us in her room and crawled in bed with her until she fell asleep. That night I resolved to stop the impact of domestic abuse in my daughter’s life—a difficult decision that finally pointed me in the direction of healing.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2009/january/myabusivechristianmarriage.html

Singles & Married