This is easily one of the best blog post I have read on this subject of "affair-proofing" one’s relationship or marriage in a while. Guard your heart!
I have itemized the 14 things everyone should know beforehand for easy and quick reference but I recommend reading the entire story by Rod Arters on his blog, (link below).
Background by Rod Arters
"These 14 points come from an extremely painful personal experience. I know what it’s like to fall and not be able to get up. Over the last four years, I have had to learn how to tear down my emotional walls – walls that assisted me in getting in trouble in the first place. I have come to understand the problem with pedestals, especially in the church, and have wrestled with the mechanics of forgiveness, even forgiving me. As difficult as it is, I now embrace my past and appreciate the many regrets. They have become precious to me. As a result of my actions, I have accumulated many scars and now try to learn from each and everyone of them. I have hit “rock bottom” and realized something amazing in the process. God is still here, even if others are not."
Here are the 14 Things you must know before you cheat.
I have seen first-hand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning.
Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford. Before you cheat here are 14 things you really need to know.
#1: You will become a liar.
Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end. “I’m working late at the office tonight” may be a half-truth but you’ll need to redefine the word “working” to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.
#2: You will get caught. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds. And everyone likes to share juicy news. Your poor decision will become as public as a billboard. It’s not a matter of if but when. As Pastor Rick Warren tweeted recently, “If the Director of the CIA can’t hide and cover up an affair, no one can.” As the Chinese proverb goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know it, don’t do it.”
#3: You will disappoint everyone. Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your God. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Yourself. The disappointment you cause will be like the stench of skunks and it will take a long time to remove the smell.
#4: You will be a bad example. Everyone is either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do.
Cheating is a not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life.
If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another?
#5: You will lose your moral authority. It’s hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn’t. Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose the respect of others.
#6: You will create trust issues for your spouse. Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love.
For children, their parents relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.
#7: You will (might) lose your standard of living. Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce.
#8: You will spend years trying to rebuild your life. Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do. It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.
#9: You will lose relationships.
You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It’s hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.
#10: You will increase your chances of getting an STD. Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people.
But your paramour is “clean,” right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word. As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.
#11: The grass is not greener on the other side. The “grass is greener” idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It’s not.
The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard.
#12: Would you want this done to you? Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it’s done to them.
Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.
#13: You will eventually regret this decision. In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful.
Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret it. Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.
#14: The pain outweighs the gain. No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I would have had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer’s office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience.
The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.
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Read the entire article here: http://rodarters.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/before-you-cheat-14-things-you-need-to-know/