We are facing a CRISIS!
President John F. Kennedy once said, ‘Crisis when written in Chinese, is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.’ Many relationships are facing CRISIS, as I travel and conduct workshops, I hear these ramblings fairly frequently. (If you are on the East Coast (DMV Axis), don’t miss the Friday, April 13th event – Click here: http://relationshipsdomatter.com/2012/04/09/single-in-the-city-with-pst-flo-dmv-area-april-13th-2012/
There is a direct correlation between the healthy state of the community and each relationship. A healthy home base is paramount to a healthy community, society, state and nation. So a call to discuss relationship issues must be seen as noble and wise because vibrant relationships influence and dramatically impact the community.
A common theme limiting our healthy state is the blame game especially when one is caught behaving badly.
When men stop paying attention, or become unattached or when men no longer do what really matters in relationships then there is trouble brewing, a monumental shift, a crisis and they have no one but themselves to blame. That’s right no one but themselves.
When men get busy on the cross roads of life, making rash compromises for cheap and insatiable frills or getting too busy and forgetting the vital relationships ingredients e.g. admiration, respect, trust, truthfulness, patience, kindness, sincerity and gentleness then fail to admit to their faults then there is a problem.
I hear of those who play the blame game, riddled with some of these well rehearsed stories (actually excuses);
…she made me do it.
…she wasn’t available.
…she stopped listening to me.
…she ignored me.
…she forced my hand.
…she did this and that.
to questions like -
Why do you go home so late all the time? (Married)
Why did you leave for another woman? (Married)
Why are you double-dating? (Single)
Why are you playing the field? (Single)
Why are you cruel, mean, wicked, lazy, complacent…? (Either)
Honestly, men, are you kidding me ?
She made you leave your kids ? Become lethargic, pathetic and mediocre ?
Really, she did that ? Are you suggesting she’s that powerful ?
This trick is as old as old can be; recall the story of the first man, Adam who used this lame excuse in the book of Genesis when confronted by God for what was clearly a case of absent leadership. Men playing ‘Adam’, feigning ignorance and acting dumb when they ought to stand up and do right by all is unacceptable. Men behaving badly, sadly abdicating their responsibilities with no regard for moral, cultural and spiritual etiquette, decorum, and expectation is clearly a No, NO!
Here’s a glimpse of how it went down in Genesis chapter 3:8-13.
8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” 11 “Who told you that you were naked?” the LORD God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”
What a sorry excuse!
See, the blame game is indicative of a mediocre mind. A mind that wants to be safe and do the minimum required. I love this quote by Jill Robinson, that states “There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn’t be one of them. Anything less than extraordinary is a waste of my time.”
So Men, complain all you want about this challenge but it is absolutely necessary we talk about the ‘hard stuff’ now. It is time we quit the excuses.
It’s time we give up on the blame game, get off our lazy chairs and ‘man up’ in our relationships.
No excuses will ‘cut it’, Man Up! Man Up! Man Up!!