Issues

26, unmarried and childless by Amanda Bast (Response)

We let it rip on Thursdays on RDM! It’s called #TalkThursday for that sole reason (especially in our Relationships Do Matter Chat Room on Facebook, join now.

Let me highlight a few things before you read this wonderful article by Amanda Bast.
My position as one, passionate, devoted/called to Relationships especially Singles is based of my cultural duality. I sympathize with the dilemma of expectations, culture on women today in the church as well as hybrids (products of more than one culture and often living in one predominant culture) and oh boy, let me add I KNOW the pressure from the Nigerian culture where in many cases, marriage is a critical rite of passage and a rite that validates women into the society at large. Fair or not, it is an intense pressure cooker which has done more harm than good which includes suicidal tendencies, fear, self initiated spells and torment. It’s perhaps time we let those that ‘mean well with those what’s next question’ know this truth – Your good intentions are actually bad for many girls, so please step back.

Now, Read Amanda’s article titled 26, unmarried, and childless.

Amanda’s attempt to circumvent the process is commendable, the direction and approach interesting and perhaps necessary yet I find it difficult to implement and not an ideal real world situation. Unfortunately, that’s not real life let me explain further…I tell my kids all the time, life is not fair…we do not get to determine certain things yet we must respond to all things. So therefore if we can’t control the questions (input), we must therefore control the response(s) (output). Each lady must have appropriate answers, mindset to engage the world.

Just wanted to share some actionable items in addition to what you already know:
Since we’ve layered this with the construct of culture then be ready:

  • prepare for the unexpected
  • build a team of supporters
  • bounce ideas of the team and continually brainstorm how to respond…whilst you are busy mastering how to respond.
  • Continue to craft your skills
  • Get your career in order
  • Develop a passion outside your business/office
  • Find a hobby – volunteer with a non-profit organization and get involved in church.

Finally, whilst the style or the approach may be offensive or repulsive, it might take some time before the "What Now" questions drown out the "What’s Next" questions. Needless to say, the chatter will probably get louder as you get older but by then you’re older, wiser, happier and prepared. I will love to hear your thoughts, if you agree or disagree. It’s #TalkThursday.

Relationships Do Matter.
pFlo

Image:Flickr photo (cc) by janoma.cl