Am I settling, when I settle down?

There is a tension between settling and settling down!

“…some women in their twenties leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality.”

 – Kristine Huntley’s review on Lori Gottlieb’s book, “Marry Him, The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough”.

Every single ought to know these truths: 

  • There is a difference between settling and settling down.
  • There are no perfect human beings, hence no perfect relationships, spouses, marriages (don’t let the social media posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram rile you up.
  • All successful relationships embrace to some degree the notion of settling within settling down.
  • And, yes…there is a real struggle to be won between “SETTLING” and “SETTLING DOWN”.

Natural Inclination – FEAR OF SETTLING:
We are so afraid of settling!
Yet, most of us will eventually have to settle to settle down at some point, so we must apply great care to ensure the concept of settling down is not destroyed because we all settle.

  • I am concerned by people blinded by this fear who continue to block and prevent great relationships from developing and in some cases have inadvertently destroyed ‘wonderful’ opportunities.
  • I am concerned by some’s inability to separate fantasy from reality.
  • I am concerned that the pragmatic approach needed in some relationships have been renamed.
  • I am concerned by the heartaches, loneliness, disappointments, regrets and failed relationships.
Let’s Talk:
  1. I don’t want you living in fear of settling.
  2. I want to let you know that ALL relationships start and thrive by the delicate balance between  the pragmatic desire of “SETTLING DOWN” with the notion of “SETTLING”. In order words, most great relationships and marriages go through the process of ‘SETTLING’ to arrive at “SETTLING DOWN”.
  3. Isn’t it time to carefully appropriate these hugely popular quotes and clichés as some of them especially on “SETTLING” need to be understood and applied within the right context(s). Consider this popular quote:

REALLY? NEVER SETTLE?? I disagree!

I do however agree with the next two images (message) though:

settle

What is important is ensuring that when we settle, we do so correctly and for the right reasons. As a side note, I am reminded that when one falls in love with someone, accepting their shortcomings does not feel like settling. Isn’t that the truth?

So are you settling when you settle down? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Settle Down

I want to hear from you, let know your thoughts, do you agree or disagree?

Resources (articles & more to consider): 

  1. Why I think those who settle will eventually cheat –http://madamenoire.com/216077/the-danger-of-marrying-for-practical-purposes-why-i-think-those-who-settle-are-potential-cheaters/ 
  2. 4 Reasons not to settle
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201404/4-reasons-not-settle-in-relationship

 

 

 

  • Listen to “Stop Making EXCUSES

 

Remember #RelationshipMatters!

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is the founder of RelationshipMatters & HybridLeaders.  He is married with kids and passionate about Leadership, Singles, Relationships and helping people maximize their life & relationships. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events locally and internationally.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
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Author: 'Flo

Relationship Coach & Leadership Consultant, Author, Speaker and Social Entrepreneur. Follow me @holyflo