Editorial: The first time I heard this phrase: "A broken relationship, courtship, engagement is better than a broken marriage." I chose to accept because it came from a reliable source thereby agreeing in principle and I have observed and spent time evaluating further and I sincerely believe it is better to break up a relationship then force a marriage especially when the issues are not addressed thoroughly.
The temptation to re-consider will always be there considering the time, effort, energy, resources invested in the relationship(s) and when coupled with layers (other issues) like parental pressure, societal expectations, age it is very tough yet, it is the right thing.
Read this exciting story and let us know your thoughts.
Remember Relationships Do Matter.
"Several times Jibola had heard the saying, and believed it worked: Fake it till you make it! It was a principle he had applied to some other areas of his life. For instance, after listening to a motivational message in church, he had made it a point of duty not to buy inferior clothes for himself anymore, faking a wealth he could not afford, till he made it affordable. It worked. Now he drove a good car, and wore the kind of clothes he hadn’t been able to afford some years earlier. For his love life, it didn’t seem to be working.
When he met Fehinti, he had thought she was the most beautiful creature in the female species. And truly she was. He had worked with the planning committee of a Christian beauty pageant where she had contested and won! It wasn’t the normal local competition everyone seemed to be organising, but a continental one. Christian beauties from all over Africa converged in Abuja for the competition. In fact, Fehinti represented Nigeria, out of over thirty African Queens. Her victory was sure; she was beautiful, confident and highly intelligent.
Jibola approaching her for a relationship had been like the children of Israel stepping into the Red Sea before it parted. He discovered too late she was in another relationship, but she liked him instantly and agreed to a date. He felt strange about it. Why would she accept to date him, when she wore another man’s engagement ring?
Still he went ahead with the relationship, seeing it a small victory when Fehinti broke off with her fiance to be with him. At the time, he had nothing. He was a simple hustler, fresh graduate, struggling to make ends meet, between odd jobs, one of which had led him to the beauty pageant. And then he got a job with a small car shop as a sales representative. It wasn’t much but much better than anything he’d had before. Fehinti’s disappointment with his new job started the downward spiral of their relationship.
Jibola didn’t quite understand her grouch at first. Did she want him to be jobless all his life? Then he realized she had hoped he would get a better job and not settle for such as a sales representative. He argued the job had gotten him his first car and she argued back the car was ten times older than the brand new ones he marketed. She told him to get another job and when the pressure grew, he started a small scale business by the side, making and marketing shirts to his customers.
Suddenly, things didn’t seem to flow as well as before. Trust became an issue between them. Once in a while, Jibola would inquire about Fehinti’s plans, and get a cold shoulder. Initially, it was hard to notice because of Fehinti’s itinerary as queen. Shortly after her reign as beauty queen, she travelled out of the country without letting him know. When she finally got back and he expressed his displeasure, she brushed him off.
“She wants you to end the relationship, bros,” his friend, Akin told him.
Jibola sighed. “I love her. That’s my problem.”
“You think you love her. She’s making you miserable. Soon she’ll date another man and dump you.”
“That, I don’t know, but I don’t think so. What we had, I mean have is so different. I…”
“You don’t even know you don’t love her anymore.”
“I love her, very deeply. She loves me too. It’s just that this job of mine is standing between us. I’m working on getting another job.”
“And if she doesn’t like that too? Is job the priority in your relationship now?”
“Right now, I just wish I could go away for a long time. Just disappear.”
“With her?” Akin teased.
Jibola flashed him a straight ‘dagger.’ “It’s not funny.”
“Get real. It’s over if you ask me.”
“It can’t be…”
“You two have drifted apart so much. You keep hurting each other. Why not just break it instead of this fake life?”
Sinmisola Ogúnyinka is wife of the head pastor of Hermon City Church inCalabar and Abuja, and mother of four beautiful children. She holds a degree in Economics from the Obafemi Awolowo University, Nigeria, and is a member of the Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writers’ Guild. She is also host of the contemporary Bible-based TV talkshow, “Issues of Life.”Sinmi has written many books with titles like SCENT OF WATER, FRAIL FLESH, and PEPPER. She lives with her family in Abuja, Nigeria. Website: www.sinmisolaogunyinka.com