Category Archives: General

Trust is an Act of Faith

#Trust is an act of Faith.
Every #Relationship is dependent on #Trust.
However, the issue isn’t necessarily a lack of faith but rather in "Whom" we trust.

We trust our significant others to be faithful.
We believe and adhere to marital vows.
We trust our parents, care givers.
We follow counsellors’ recommendations.
We work hard, confident we will be compensated on payday.
We listen to our colleagues, bosses, influencers even devouring notes, books from professors and business experts without worry.
We submit to the counsel of physicians, experts without reservations.

Yet, I find that many of us struggle when God speaks to us through the Word such that we buckle and doubt…this very post is for you…read the entire post on

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God bless.

14 Things you should know before you cheat.

This is easily one of the best blog post I have read on this subject of "affair-proofing" one’s relationship or marriage in a while. Guard your heart!

I have itemized the 14 things everyone should know beforehand for easy and quick reference but I recommend reading the entire story by Rod Arters on his blog, (link below).

Background by Rod Arters
"These 14 points come from an extremely painful personal experience. I know what it’s like to fall and not be able to get up. Over the last four years, I have had to learn how to tear down my emotional walls – walls that assisted me in getting in trouble in the first place. I have come to understand the problem with pedestals, especially in the church, and have wrestled with the mechanics of forgiveness, even forgiving me. As difficult as it is, I now embrace my past and appreciate the many regrets. They have become precious to me. As a result of my actions, I have accumulated many scars and now try to learn from each and everyone of them. I have hit “rock bottom” and realized something amazing in the process. God is still here, even if others are not."

Here are the 14 Things you must know before you cheat.

Read on:

I have seen first-hand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning.

Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford. Before you cheat here are 14 things you really need to know.

#1: You will become a liar.
Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end. “I’m working late at the office tonight” may be a half-truth but you’ll need to redefine the word “working” to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand.

#2: You will get caught. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds. And everyone likes to share juicy news. Your poor decision will become as public as a billboard. It’s not a matter of if but when. As Pastor Rick Warren tweeted recently, “If the Director of the CIA can’t hide and cover up an affair, no one can.” As the Chinese proverb goes, “If you don’t want anyone to know it, don’t do it.”

#3: You will disappoint everyone. Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your God. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Yourself. The disappointment you cause will be like the stench of skunks and it will take a long time to remove the smell.

#4: You will be a bad example. Everyone is either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do.

Cheating is a not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life.

If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another?

#5: You will lose your moral authority. It’s hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn’t. Saying “Do as I say, not as I do” is the fastest way to lose the respect of others.

#6: You will create trust issues for your spouse. Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love.

For children, their parents relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.

#7: You will (might) lose your standard of living. Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce.

#8: You will spend years trying to rebuild your life. Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do. It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.

#9: You will lose relationships.
You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It’s hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.

#10: You will increase your chances of getting an STD. Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people.

But your paramour is “clean,” right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word. As the saying goes, “There is honor among thieves.” One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.

#11: The grass is not greener on the other side. The “grass is greener” idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It’s not.

The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard.

#12: Would you want this done to you? Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it’s done to them.

Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.

#13: You will eventually regret this decision. In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful.

Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret it. Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.

#14: The pain outweighs the gain. No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I would have had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer’s office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience.
The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.

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Read the entire article here:

An Uncommon Life is a choice

Each day you have a choice- to be common or otherwise.To be grateful or ungrateful.
To be happy or sad.
To be strong or weak.
To be bold or timid.
To be faithful or unfaithful.
To be loyal or disloyal.
To be hard working or lazy.
To be merciful or wicked.
To be humble or proud.
To love or hate.

Everyday, you have a choice…today choose to be UNCOMMON.

A Poem titled UNCOMMON MAN-
"I do not choose to be a common man.

It is my right to be uncommon—if I can.

I seek opportunity—not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.

I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole.

I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout.

I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations, and to face the world boldly and say, this I have done."
– Dean Alfange

Your choice; Your day; Your LIFE. Choose wisely.

10 Things, #Singles must address before #Marriage

Friends, TGIF!

This is a fact- those enrolled in my pre-marital class (on-line & in person workshops) are told one of the workshop’s goals is to disrupt your thoughts and expectations about marriage to ensure there are no ‘plan Bs’ and if we succeed in creating enough doubts such that the couple put things off for a while, that in itself is success. Getting someone to suspend their wedding plans is indicative of some gaps and they are probably better figuring those issues out as singles first.








  1. Marriage isn’t for day-dreamers.
  2. Marriage isn’t for those that wish but unwilling to work hard.
  3. Marriage is for committed and tested individuals.

In this post, there are 10 things highlighted (there are a few more and would love to hear yours).

These 10 items include –

  1. The Past (this is a matter of when)
  2. Family (Background)
  3. Faith (Critical)
  4. Sex (Critical)
  5. Secrets
  6. Expectations
  7. Money (Critical)
  8. Children
  9. Boundaries (include Domestic Violence here)
  10. Struggles

So if you haven’t declared your intentions, walked down the aisle or enrolled in a pre-marital class. Well, these are 10 Things You Need to Talk About.

Better now, than later.
Trust Me.

More information here:

Silent Victims – My Abusive “Christian” Marriage #DomesticViolence

True story, real life lessons…take a seat and read on.

"More than words" is the appropriate phrase that comes to my mind on how to handle or continue to address the menace of #domesticviolence in our society today.

It is not enough to scream and react when celebrities are involved, although their stories help amplify the prevalence of the problem. Yet, I wonder and pray for the many thousands, actually millions who are silently suffering with no one to speak up on their behalf. Some trapped by the fear of rejection, annihilation, or loss of their livelihood. Shall we continue to hide behind culture, religion and race? Absolutely NOT!

It is important to note some of the forces at work in every conflict, and in particular domestic violence where one will easily find at least two issues at play – control and anger.

Any one (male or female) who lacks self and anger control is susceptible to violence as a means to regain their waning control. Such a character is worse than a city without gates according to the book of proverbs. Such a character will be an target to vices, harm and loss any day.

The story below is true, identities have been protected accordingly but this is very common and silence is not acceptable. Someone must speak up for the #SilentVictims.

My Abusive "Christian" Marriage

I couldn’t believe this was my reality. And I couldn’t see a way out.

"Did Daddy do that?" my daughter asked. Lying on the floor in the doorway of her room, I was stunned as I realized my daughter had just witnessed undeniable physical abuse. Tom’s* anger had escalated into unrestrained rage, and he’d thrown me into our daughter’s bedroom. Con-fused, I began to question my situation: Was I really experiencing domestic violence in my Christian home?

I’d denied the truth so long I was unable to recognize what was really happening. The abuse had started subtly and grown insidiously. My husband and I claimed to be Christians, so how could our marriage be abusive? Unable to give my four-year-old daughter any more excuses, I said, "Yes, Daddy did that." Then I locked us in her room and crawled in bed with her until she fell asleep. That night I resolved to stop the impact of domestic abuse in my daughter’s life—a difficult decision that finally pointed me in the direction of healing.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

“Crazy World” – Friday Devotional

Did you get your copy of the "LIFE & RELATIONSHIPS" Newsletter/Devotional today titled "Crazy World". If not, why don’t you consider signing up today and get yours delivered to your inbox every week uninterrupted.

The newsletter takes the subscribers beyond cute tips & nuggets to insightful, sound biblical based truths that will encourage, empower, enlighten, inspire, challenge and build up. Give it a try today.

Click here: Do Matter.

Is Divorce ever OK?

Ok I’ll be honest here…most of the questions I have been fielding lately have been about #Divorce.

May I ask you to please pray for those struggling with such life decisions today and perhaps recommend them for sound biblical counseling.

Here are some of the questions-
Is it right to ask for a divorce?
Is it appropriate for a Christian?
When is it ever right? If at all.
On What grounds?
And perhaps the most challenging, can a divorcee remarry?

These aren’t casual conversations, they require deep reflections, and understanding of context and circumstantial information to name a few.

I do want to commend everyone asking these questions, they are very important and appropriate because the best time to prevent divorce is before marriage.

I acknowledge the huge chasm that still exist today especially along our different theological persuasions yet I think Lee Gardy’s write up provides balance and hope for those stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Personally, I was raised in an Evangelical/Protestant church and taught that divorce is never an option to consider. Yet, I have also heard of numerous evil some have perpetuated in marriages and I know now to treat each issue differently.

Lee’s charge to us to tamper judgement with mercy is spot on as many of us in our haste to defend God’s honor obfuscate God’s mercy.

Hear this…
"In some conservative churches, leaders teach that divorce is never acceptable and that a person who chooses to divorce—even if they have been abused—is in sin if they leave the marriage. These hardliners will typically declare, "God hates divorce," quoting Malachi 2:16, and then suggest that even the innocent party in a divorce will be judged by God. That’s an unfair use of Scripture. God’s MERCY is bigger than that!"

"God certainly hates the pain, shame and family disintegration that accompanies divorce, but He also offers healing, restoration and freedom to people who have endured a marriage breakup. As we work to protect marriages and encourage strong families, let’s also leave room in our hearts—and in our theology—for people who simply cannot stay in irreparable relationships."

As a leader, I wrestle with when divorce might be the necessary action especially when confronted with bad, downright negative and evil stories of some relationships.

I really do understand Lee’s position here: "I don’t enjoy recommending divorce to anybody. God instituted marriage, so it’s sacred. It’s a holy bond that we should protect. Jesus Himself said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matt. 19:6, NASB). Yet in the same passage He mentioned immorality (v. 9) as an allowable reason for divorce. In a fallen world full of sin and unfaithfulness, divorce is not always avoidable."

Sad truth!
Uncomfortable reality? Perhaps.

Without a doubt this is a must read article, here are the 4 reasons why divorce might be recommended.

1: Unrepentant adultery.
2: Domestic abuse.
3: Emotional cruelty or control.
4: Spiritual incompatibility.

Read the entire article here: