Category Archives: Relationships

IMG_0244-0.JPG

Don’t ignite the old flames. #AffairProof Series

Here’s the question … “Should or Can I be friends with my OLD FLAME (single, married, divorced, widowed) on social media”?

My first answer is ask your spouse or fiancée.
My second is NO….even if I don’t have all the facts about the specifics, context and background.
My third, even when I have more information is still remain NO.

Here’s why- social media’s dark side…harbors inappropriate behavior which could lead to lust and eventually sin.

A wise king in the bible admonished us to never arouse love, passion prematurely in the book of Ecclesiastes and it’s safe to apply this same principle to a past lover, relationship or marriage.

Psychologists report an increase in stressed relationships due in part to increased online, casual relationships. For many, it starts as a casual discussion, a business transaction, a search for a confidant, a ‘let me say hi’ intention and such noble intentions but what invariably develops threatens the ‘real’ and established relationships, I have observed marriages destroyed and engagements called off due to such discreet affairs.

However, a good rule of the thumb to observe is setting boundaries, drawing a line.
Here are pointers to help you identify if you have crossed the line –

You share intimate secrets about your relationship, marriage with the other party.
You seek intimate counsel from each other.
You introduce a third or forth character into your marital bed.
You make subtle comparisons between your ‘social friend’ and your spouse.
You spend excessive hours online alone and away from your spouse.

And here are additional tips by Ms Marjie Killeen Wilmette (author and contributor to the online group makeitbetter.net), these signs she wrote are definitely signs one’s online relationship has crossed the line:
You think about the ‘social friend’ all the time, and constantly await emails, likes, RTs and texts.
You fantasize about your ex, and find ways to bring him or her up in your conversations.
You start seeing your marriage differently; feel it’s lacking, begin to find fault with your SPOUSE.
You wonder if you and your old flame were really meant to be together again.
You keep your social interaction/relationship a secret from your spouse.
You make plans to meet your ex in person.

So what do you think? Be honest!

It’s your choice, will you make your relationship (marriage, dating, engagement etc) healthy? If yes, then don’t cross these lines…because #Relationships really Do Matter.

WHY MEN CHEAT!

A compilation of reasons from the ‘conversation’ on the Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Chat Room. Let us know what you think?

  1. Background & Experience: Many folks come from dysfunctional backgrounds, for example, Father or Dad had a few girlfriends and/or a few wives and never
    considered the issue of faithfulness or accountability as important.
  2. Dark pasts and challenges with sexual addictions or issues e.g. pornography, masturbation, fornication and never truly addressing these issues.
  3. Men refusing to face the real issues at home, hence avoiding issues or refusing to address issues appropriately and promptly.
  4. The failure to learn and discover pertinent truths via renewing the mind and daily discipline of studying the word, prayer and meditation.
  5. The failure to move on from the past relationships and dalliances.
  6. The societal or cultural mood (public opinion) being less condemning or more accepting.
  7. The lack of passion in teaching and mentoring young ones by the older ones including parental responsibilities.
  8. The lack of emotional connection between husband and wife.
  9. The thrill and excitement of pursuing the ‘forbidden’.
  10. Lack of effort in the marriage leading to boredom, consider how many men attend marriage enrichment sessions, seminars, workshops
  11. The diluted emphasis on righteousness, purity, holiness in the church. ‘
  12. The absence of boundaries in interacting with the opposite sex at work, events etc
  13. And perhaps the most popular reason – simply because they want to or they can.

Well, if you think this is only for men think again as the appropriate title really is WHY PEOPLE CHEAT, because both MEN AND WOMEN can but should they?

Remember, temptation is not sin.
Yielding to temptation is the sin. So pray the Lord’s prayer often and don’t think you are alone…for the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” – 1 Cor 10:13

Like Us (Facebook)

Follow Us (Twitter)

Add Us (G+)

Watch Us (YouTube)

Remember, Relationships Do Matter.

pFlo

PS: Join us on Saturday for Movie and Dinner (A RDM Event).
click here for details: https://www.facebook.com/events/370799199702053/

Movie Title: Tyler Perry‘s New Movie – TEMPTATIONS.

Date: Saturday, April 6th @4pm CST.

Venue:
1011 South Delano Court East Chicago, IL 60605

Wish We’d Known: 15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair – iVillage

Folks, I stumbled upon this piece online and couldn’t help sharing. Please read and pass along.
Remember Relationships Do Matter.PFlo

15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair

  1. It Probably Started Out Innocently.
  2. You won’t consider the ramifications until it’s too late.
  3. You will try to justify it.
  4. The excitement will fuel you.
  5. You will live in constant fear.
  6. The Guilt will be All consuming.
  7. Affairs are expensive.
  8. You will pull away from your friends.
  9. Sleep will be something you used to do.
  10. You will discover that no relationships is perfect.
  11. Guarding your phone or your computer will be a full time job.
  12. You will worry you will say the wrong name at the wrong time.
  13. The new sex will get old, soon.
  14. To conceal or confuse, both options suck.
  15. You will have regrets.

Article culled from iVillage.com
Image Source: thetechnicalauthor

12.Things

On 12:12:12, do these –

  1. Subscribe/Sign up for the Relationships Do Matter Newsletter (January 2013)
  2. Like the Relationships Do Matter Page on Facebook.
  3. Follow @relationshipsdm on Twitter
  4. Subscribe to the RelationshipMattersTV on YouTube
  5. Join the Relationships Do Matter Community on Google+
  6. Download the Relationships Do Matter App on itunes or Google Play
  7. Subscribe to RelationshipMatters podcast on itunes.
  8. Join the conversation/chat and mingle with others on Relationship Matters Group on Facebook.
  9. Download some radio recordings (mp3s) of Relationship Matters w. Pst Flo
  10. Get a free copy of Vibrant Relationships Confessions
  11. Get a copy of my book, Relationships Do Matter for a special discounted price (limited time)
  12. Here’s an opportunity to win a free copy of my new ebook – In 100 words or less, explain why relationships do matter. Be creative and genuine! Go…
    Email your responses to relationshipsdm@gmail.com or info@relationshipsdomatter.comPS: All responses must be received today (12.12.12) time zone independent and winners will be announced (12.19.12). Share and do participate…(almost every entry ‘might’ qualify…will see)

Remember Relationships Do Matter
pFlo

 

Marriage = Hard Work; So Roll Up Your Sleeves.

It has been an interesting week and just before the weekend kicks off I wanted to stir the pot. For many who so desperately long for marriage, let me break the news to you as gently as possible.

Marriage requires a lot of hard work. It’s indeed a ‘what you put into it, is what you get proposition’. Don’t panic! I didn’t say Marriage is impossible, I simply said it demands your commitment and that’s hard work. By hard work, I am simply stating the obvious and preparing you for what lies ahead. Hard work doesn’t eliminate the fun, passion, excitement and fulfilment but it means ‘children’ should be barred from engaging in it until they are matured enough to appreciate and enjoy working hard for marriage will not work for the immature, lazy, selfish and self absorbed.

Manual:
If you’ve ever bought a piece of furniture that requires assembly especially those in multiple boxes then you can probably relate. Within those boxes (holding your beautiful pieces of furniture) are instruction booklets. Here’s the obvious, your beautiful furniture is dependent on your adherence, strict adherence to the series of instructions (including recommended tools, sequence etc).

If you trivialize the assembly process, you create a ‘monster’.
If you second-guess the instructions, you waste time.
If you outsource the instructions, you display your lack of knowledge.

Actually, your absolute adherence doesn’t make you dumb, it confirms your wisdom. It saves you time, it makes you happy and fulfilled. I can see you smiling already.

So why don’t we apply the same approach to these ‘marriage’ instructions?
Roll up your sleeves.
Make some room.
Place a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door.
Now read below.

Here are the four ‘Must Dos’ for Every Husband. (Single Men, take note and confirm if you are ready)
Using the perfect allegory from Eph 5:25-28 (MSG)

Husbands, go all out in your LOVE for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—

  1. A love marked by GIVING not GETTING.
  2. A love that makes the bride WHOLE (proud, bold, confident and assured).
  3. Your WORDS must EVOKE her beauty consistently.
  4. Everything you do and say is designed to bring the BEST out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness,

That is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

Wives surprisingly, here is the one ‘Must do’. (Single Ladies, read below to confirm if you are ready)

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise SUBMIT to their husbands (not to another man, only your husband please).

Let’s agree to disagree, but these are non-negotiable.
Now are you ready for hard work, oops marriage?
pFlo

“An Open Letter”

Dear “S”,

It’s starting to feel like Spring. I hope and trust this meets you well. This is a follow up to our conversation about your journey, yep that ‘relationship’ journey filled with its numerous challenges and fun. LOL! I understand the expectations, the dos and don’ts’. Does it get easier, you ask?

Well, I know how you feel. I really do feel your pain; you’re struggling, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated. I sense your desire to give up, you’ve said it numerous times that it’s probably better to be average than go all out. You posit that it’s easier that way; easier to deal with anguish, disappointments, failures and intermittent victories if you are average. Maybe it won’t hurt that much…

If I can just be honest for a moment, average and it’s dull amber lights teases you to succumb to it’s lies, it’s easy it seems considering how common and popular it is. I do admit that there is a tendency to assume here and as I speak to others just like you, there is no denying the fact that this is one of the biggest issues many singles face daily. The monster called peer pressure, the pressure to succumb to the majority, to fit in and to be accepted.

Can we just talk ? Can I be frank?
Why bother you ask?

Why bother confronting average, a state many would rather assume is ideal?

Why be different when it’s easier to blend in?

Well, before you tune me out understand that isn’t about the past; our past is past but about the wondrous opportunities in our future. Ever since I met Grace, my perspective has changed. For this ‘Grace’ in the book of Titus 2, verse 11- 15 appeared with an agenda for mankind and quickly became to teach all what and how to deny, embrace, accept, adopt and display. See in my line of work mentoring, counseling and raising singles and leaders, I have realized it’s not about ease or convenience but obedience.

The injunction to stand out is not convenient at all.

You know this much don’t you?

  • It has never been easy to walk by faith in this generation and culture.
  • It has never been easy to live righteously.
  • It has never been easy to make a difference.
  • It has never been easy to do what God‘s word requires, demands, expects, commands and instructs.

Honestly, it has never been easy, so forget easy. It’s always been by Grace.

Join me for an hour long free tele-conference, it’s an hour long ‘Not for the faint of heart’, Sex & Single Conversation where all singles, Christ followers are challenged to step up and set a new standard for this generation! Don’t hide, don’t give in, don’t dismiss it…issues, questions and much more. I know you’ve got many questions and I think we better talk. Check it out first, keep your opinions at bay, click here – http://eepurl.com/jRyW5

 

PS: Some of the lessons for a successful relationship include numerous biblical insights, quotes, ideas with an appreciation of both sexes, male and female as well as wise counsel from my mentors who paved the way. These insights are in my new book, ‘Relationships Do Matter’ and from which I will be sharing with you on the free conference call. So what are you waiting for?

pF*

 

The Difference

Is this possible we might have found  the missing relationship misnomer ?
Is it possible the men and women are looking at each other incorrectly ?
Is it possible that we’ve got our peculiarities and differences tangled up ? Image

You don’t say!

Or is it possible men are just so confused by what they think women want they themselves have it twisted ? Well, regardless of how far the pendulum has swung, let’s make it right.
Now, read this excerpt I found in my draft box this morning, SLOWLY.

“A woman would be much better off if she could distinguish the difference between a man that flatters her and a man that compliments her. A man that spends money on her and a man who invests in her. A man that views her as property and a man that views her properly. A man that lusts after her and a man that loves her. A man that believes he is God‘s gift to women and a man that REMEMBERS a woman was God’s gift to man.” – Anon

So what do you think ?

pF*