When Love Finds You


When Love finds you….

Love will find you…

I am not too worried if you are young, naive and optimistic like Isaac or Rebecca

Neither am I worried if you have been dealt a tough blow in relationships such that you are bruised, pessimistic and withdrawn like Ruth.

Love will find you…believe me.

It is not going to be a question of IF; rather it will be one of WHEN. Believe me again, Love will find you. However, when love finds you the biggest challenge will be your readiness and availability.There are different categories of people in this life:

  • Some are ready and not available
  • Some are available but not ready
  • Some are not ready and not available And then some are both ready and available.

You should be READY and AVAILABLE.

When love comes around it is almost always unexpected like an “out of the blues”, random occurrence but upon further reflection and observation, I am realizing that love is more than a random act. Love happens at the intersection of “ready and available”.

So are you ready?

A good way to illustrate the concept of being ready is to share an instance when I took my kids out for a date. One of the habits I have instituted in my family is spending quality bonding/family time before any of our business or ministry travels. Such events are really more about sharing precious time with the family, discussing ideas and highlighting life events over a meal. I am proud to state that we’ve had this special bonding time in diverse outlets such as fast food joints to fancy restaurants. We’ve decided that our focus will be on the fellowship rather than the location but I must confess the location does help sometimes (LOL).

Anyway, on this particular occasion, about an hour prior to departure I asked the kids to get ready to go out. Here’s a high level break down of the time and the tasks. The kids spent the first 30 – 35 minutes deciding what to wear, which really is a function of where we are going. So I had to give them an idea of what might be appropriate. That destination influences their options. Next, we selected the appropriate accessories (socks, shoes etc.) that match their prior selection. Lastly, we spent the last 20 minutes getting dressed and cleaning up prior to departure.

Let me use these 3 steps to highlight how to get ready –

Step 1: Everything starts with a Decision

So have you decided? Do you know where you are going? If you do, are you ready for what that destination requires? Do you know what you are? Your decision (destination) influences your behaviour. If you simply want to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, then that determines your focus. If you want to get married, then that destination also influences your focus. Or if you simply want to have fun, have a fling, be someone’s side piece that invariably also influences your focus. All relationships start with a decision or a choice (intentional or otherwise) that is based on one’s state of being. I love this beautiful quote that says, ” do not focus on finding the right person, focus on being the right person”. Are you right? Will you be found to be the ‘right’ one?

Step 2: Your thoughts are Magnetic

Do your thoughts reflect who you are? Every decision starts with thoughts and it is those thoughts that attract people into your life. The wise King Solomon in the book of Proverbs revealed one of the most fascinating truths about the integral role of thoughts in one’s life. Proverbs 24 declares that, “as a man or woman thinks so is he or she”. Literally, your life will reflect your thoughts. See, your decisions will follow your thoughts, which are inevitably influenced by what you’ve received via your gateways (eyes and ears). No one can go beyond his or her thoughts and the key to great decision-making is to think great thoughts. Good (positive) thoughts attract good (positive) people and conversely negative thoughts attract negative people. I have spoken, observed and heard of individuals who vowed to select better spouses than their parents but who ended up with worse relationship choices. Shocking? Not at all. Thoughts are magnetic and attract This brings me to my next point; your decisions are heavily influenced by your thoughts.

Step 3: Projections – Dressed

Another way to illustrate step 2 is to highlight the fact that you wear your thoughts. What people perceive are your inner projections. If a man or woman believes he or she is worthless and no good, then he or she will project a worthless (no good) self image and regardless of the exterior package (beauty, neat adornment and great physique) That worthlessness in thoughts will eventually be heard and seen. Conversely, if a man or woman believes the opposite: that they are precious, valuable and unique then they will also project and reflect an aura that is wholesome and life giving. Your true self should be adorned from within.

So are you well dressed?

To Be Continued…#RelationshipsAtoZ

NOTE: Your comments are very much valued and welcome. Let me know your thoughts on this. If you have questions, do feel free to ask me in the comments also.

Stay Blessed!

Question of the Week-end: Compatibility

The issue of compatibility is very crucial for any relationship  – emotional, physical or otherwise.

Here’s this week-end’s question: “CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER IF THEY ARE NOT IN AGREEMENT?”

This is an important question to consider if you are in a relationship – physical, business or career. By the way,  don’t ask “are we compatible?” rather ask “How…am I compatible with this individual,  or team?”

While we are on the subject of #Questions, check out my new book, “127 Questions Singles Must Ask Their Future Spouse”  – NOW AVAILABLE Click here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00V3PSX9G

#RelationshipMatters #127Questions #NewBook  #Questions #Dating #Marriage #Men #Women #Ladies #Wedding #Singles #Love #EngagedCouples 

Are you a mummy’s boy? [New Book – #127Questions]


#Singles Don’t ask him if he is a ‘momma’s boy’, rather ask him if he has ever disagreed with his #mother? Then follow up with a when, why and where.

New Book, out in May, 2015 – Get your copy now (pre-order) on Amazon.com, click here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00V3PSX9G

#RelationshipMatters #127Questions #NewBook #Amazon #Questions #Dating #Marriage #Men #Women #Ladies 

Speak the language of flowers #Romance

flowers3Communication is the ability to successfully convey or share ideas, thoughts and feelings. When one communicates it is essential that one is heard and understood. Note that the art of communication extends beyond the transfer of intent, idea or thoughts and obtaining an right response or action is what confirms one is indeed communicating. If only it is so easy…(lol)

So we know that communication could be complicated and for many of us especially men, words are limiting. So here’s a tip, add to your repertoire and learn how to speak with flowers…now this assumes that whoever you are communicating with appreciates flowers. (Hint: The first rule of communication is to know the ‘audience’ tailor accordingly).

Class is in session – take notes!

Listen – “After women, flowers are the most lovely thing God has given the world.” – Christian Dior

flowers 1

Do not forget that – “The earth laughs in flowers.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

No better time than NOW: “Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead. If you like me, send them while I’m alive.” –  Brian Clough

Everything matters especially the little things – “Forests, lakes, and rivers, clouds and winds, stars and flowers, stupendous glaciers and crystal snowflakes – every form of animate or inanimate existence, leaves its impress upon the soul of man.” – Orison Swett Marden


Before you purchase or present your next bouquet, you should know what that means – 

  • Ambrosia symbolizes: Love returned
  • Amethyst symbolizes: Admiration
  • Azalea symbolizes: Romance
  • Camellia symbolizes: Steadfast love
  • Pink carnations mean: “I’ll never forget you”
  • Cherry blossom symbolizes: Spiritual beauty
  • Daisies symbolizes: Innocence
  • Gardenia mean: “You’re lovely”
  • Geraniums mean: “A secret rendezvous”
  • Hazel symbolizes: Reconciliation
  • Iris symbolizes: A flame of passion
  • Lilac symbolizes: New love and innocence
  • Lily symbolizes: Sweetness
  • Orchids mean: “You are beautiful”
  • Peach means: “You are unique”
  • Rosemary symbolizes: Remembrance
  • Tulips (red) mean: “My perfect lover”
  • Tulips mean: “You mean everything”
  • Violets mean: Faithfulness

Remember #RelationshipMatters!

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is the founder of RelationshipMatters & HybridLeaders.org.  He is married with kids and passionate about maximizing life, leadership & relationships. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events locally and internationally.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE


List originally collated by Gregory Godek
Image sources: etsy.com, pinterest.com & google images.

[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

BirdCan we be honest? Everyone’s looking for a perfect relationship yet no one is willing to work hard for it.

A vibrant loving relationship is indeed challenging mentally and physically but the feedback from those who put in the hard work and pay the price is encouraging, because they all confirmed the great success that follows the efforts. In their words, the rewards are well worth it! So don’t ‘cop’ out, put in the work necessary.

In the same spirit of being honest, there is no doubt that we all struggle with romance but personally I am finding that the key is in initiating, taking small steps, being consistent and never becoming complacent or insensitive. Some of the insights (tips) I hold dear till date came from David & Anne Frahm’s book, titled “How To Make Love With Your Clothes On” below:

  • The firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise
  • Little things mean the world to women”
  • Catching a woman off guard ‘now and then adds drama to a marriage, that most women crave.

Listed below are 10 ways to make love with your clothes on and I want to dare you to try them out, the results will surprise you.


  1. Leave a ‘provocative’ message for your spouse on the answering machine
  2. Open the car door for her, both getting in and getting out
  3. Call her during the day just to tell her you love her and that you’ve been thinking about her
  4. At an unsuspecting moment, sweep her into your arms and tell her that she’s your best friend
  5. Ask her opinion on an important decision you’ve got to make
  6. Pray with her over her concerns
  7. Compliment her on her appearance
  8. Tape a note to the bathroom scale that says “Just Right”
  9. Surprise her with flowers because it’s true that “Flowers like women, bring beauty into the world and they belong together”
  10. Make time to talk and listen

I will love to hear from you the ones that worked for you as well as others you are trying out or have tried or heard of. In addition, do you need help in your relationship(s), marriage or life? Remember, you are not alone, help is available. Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is a preacher, speaker and author. A husband and father with a passion for reviving and empowering the next generation. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events nationally on Leadership and Relationship Mattters.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

Don’t ignite the old flames. #AffairProof Series

Here’s the question … “Should or Can I be friends with my OLD FLAME (single, married, divorced, widowed) on social media”?

My first answer is ask your spouse or fiancée.
My second is NO….even if I don’t have all the facts about the specifics, context and background.
My third, even when I have more information is still remain NO.

Here’s why- social media’s dark side…harbors inappropriate behavior which could lead to lust and eventually sin.

A wise king in the bible admonished us to never arouse love, passion prematurely in the book of Ecclesiastes and it’s safe to apply this same principle to a past lover, relationship or marriage.

Psychologists report an increase in stressed relationships due in part to increased online, casual relationships. For many, it starts as a casual discussion, a business transaction, a search for a confidant, a ‘let me say hi’ intention and such noble intentions but what invariably develops threatens the ‘real’ and established relationships, I have observed marriages destroyed and engagements called off due to such discreet affairs.

However, a good rule of the thumb to observe is setting boundaries, drawing a line.
Here are pointers to help you identify if you have crossed the line –

You share intimate secrets about your relationship, marriage with the other party.
You seek intimate counsel from each other.
You introduce a third or forth character into your marital bed.
You make subtle comparisons between your ‘social friend’ and your spouse.
You spend excessive hours online alone and away from your spouse.

And here are additional tips by Ms Marjie Killeen Wilmette (author and contributor to the online group makeitbetter.net), these signs she wrote are definitely signs one’s online relationship has crossed the line:
You think about the ‘social friend’ all the time, and constantly await emails, likes, RTs and texts.
You fantasize about your ex, and find ways to bring him or her up in your conversations.
You start seeing your marriage differently; feel it’s lacking, begin to find fault with your SPOUSE.
You wonder if you and your old flame were really meant to be together again.
You keep your social interaction/relationship a secret from your spouse.
You make plans to meet your ex in person.

So what do you think? Be honest!

It’s your choice, will you make your relationship (marriage, dating, engagement etc) healthy? If yes, then don’t cross these lines…because #Relationships really Do Matter.


A compilation of reasons from the ‘conversation’ on the Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Chat Room. Let us know what you think?

  1. Background & Experience: Many folks come from dysfunctional backgrounds, for example, Father or Dad had a few girlfriends and/or a few wives and never
    considered the issue of faithfulness or accountability as important.
  2. Dark pasts and challenges with sexual addictions or issues e.g. pornography, masturbation, fornication and never truly addressing these issues.
  3. Men refusing to face the real issues at home, hence avoiding issues or refusing to address issues appropriately and promptly.
  4. The failure to learn and discover pertinent truths via renewing the mind and daily discipline of studying the word, prayer and meditation.
  5. The failure to move on from the past relationships and dalliances.
  6. The societal or cultural mood (public opinion) being less condemning or more accepting.
  7. The lack of passion in teaching and mentoring young ones by the older ones including parental responsibilities.
  8. The lack of emotional connection between husband and wife.
  9. The thrill and excitement of pursuing the ‘forbidden’.
  10. Lack of effort in the marriage leading to boredom, consider how many men attend marriage enrichment sessions, seminars, workshops
  11. The diluted emphasis on righteousness, purity, holiness in the church. ‘
  12. The absence of boundaries in interacting with the opposite sex at work, events etc
  13. And perhaps the most popular reason – simply because they want to or they can.

Well, if you think this is only for men think again as the appropriate title really is WHY PEOPLE CHEAT, because both MEN AND WOMEN can but should they?

Remember, temptation is not sin.
Yielding to temptation is the sin. So pray the Lord’s prayer often and don’t think you are alone…for the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” – 1 Cor 10:13

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Remember, Relationships Do Matter.


PS: Join us on Saturday for Movie and Dinner (A RDM Event).
click here for details: https://www.facebook.com/events/370799199702053/

Movie Title: Tyler Perry‘s New Movie – TEMPTATIONS.

Date: Saturday, April 6th @4pm CST.

1011 South Delano Court East Chicago, IL 60605

Wish We’d Known: 15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair – iVillage

Folks, I stumbled upon this piece online and couldn’t help sharing. Please read and pass along.
Remember Relationships Do Matter.PFlo

15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair

  1. It Probably Started Out Innocently.
  2. You won’t consider the ramifications until it’s too late.
  3. You will try to justify it.
  4. The excitement will fuel you.
  5. You will live in constant fear.
  6. The Guilt will be All consuming.
  7. Affairs are expensive.
  8. You will pull away from your friends.
  9. Sleep will be something you used to do.
  10. You will discover that no relationships is perfect.
  11. Guarding your phone or your computer will be a full time job.
  12. You will worry you will say the wrong name at the wrong time.
  13. The new sex will get old, soon.
  14. To conceal or confuse, both options suck.
  15. You will have regrets.

Article culled from iVillage.com
Image Source: thetechnicalauthor


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    Email your responses to relationshipsdm@gmail.com or info@relationshipsdomatter.comPS: All responses must be received today (12.12.12) time zone independent and winners will be announced (12.19.12). Share and do participate…(almost every entry ‘might’ qualify…will see)

Remember Relationships Do Matter