Category Archives: Singles

“It is absolutely OK not to have Sex” – Phin Lyman

 

It's Ok to Say No.
The Value of Virginity

Abstinence sounds like an impossibility today, but I dare say you’ve got to think again because it’s possible. Here’s a teenager taking a stand to be different. Below are some excerpts from his article-

  1. “Once you have sex with someone, you’re connected to them emotionally and physically,”Phin​ wrote.
  2. “If you tear that bond the rip leaves open scars where the glue once was. That’s why ‘casual sex’ never works in the long term – it just doesn’t.”

​On his parents’ efforts – ​

  1. “My parents always talked to me about the value of waiting,” he says.
  2. Many parents, in his view, are too keen to ignore what’s happening once their kids start having sex. “They just don’t want to know. Say a guy brings a girl over to the house … they just look the other way. It’s easier.”

​On ​Sex Education

  1. Sex education has also hindered rather than helped, in Phin’s view.
  2. “I don’t know whether it’s being done properly at all. I learned how to put a condom on a dildo when I was 13, but really it should be much more about what you’re taking on emotionally, what sex is going to mean. The problem with the way it’s taught in school is it’s all about the physical stuff, and I think that’s why young people think sex is just sex, whereas it really isn’t … the mechanical stuff has been overplayed, and that’s made people think it’s just about a physical thing.”

Encouraging news: ​Survey shows that 27% of young men aged 15 to 24 have never had any form of sexual contact; and that’s up from 2002 when the figure was 22%.” As he says in his article: “I guess I’m not the only crazy guy around after all.” ​​ ​Click below for the full stor​y…​its a great read.​

Sources:

  1. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/08/value-of-virginity
  2. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/07/teenagers-its-ok-not-to-have-sex-phin-lyman?CMP=fb_gu

#Relationships Matter. #RDM

Alone in the City 3

It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.
-Flo

Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.

Go with my gut?

A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.

I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.

On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.

So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.

“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”

But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.

He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?

Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.

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Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014

8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life.
Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box.
 
However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “Why am I still single?” here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.
To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions.

So, the question for the single person looking for love is: What are the internal challenges I need to face?

1) Defenses

Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defensive. This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.

If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.

Here are some of the other reasons-

2) Unhealthy Attractions

3) Fear of Intimacy

4) Pickiness

Read the rest of the article here: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201311/8-reasons-you-might-still-be-single

Need to talk to someone today ?  Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

OPINION: A SINGLE MAN’S DILEMMA – Dami Ige (RDM Contributor)

Our featured writer, Dami simply captured a recently concluded conversation she had with her friend(s).
We hope it stimulates and provokes subsequent conversations. Enjoy & Remember Relationships Do Matter.

A SINGLE MAN’s DILEMMA
Recently, I’ve been seriously considering turning my affections to men and know how that feels. A little probing made me realize it is not any better. Men have standards too. I am not poor but I am comfortable with a car and nice crib to my credit. The issue is the dating world has turned to a big game I don’t want to play, almost like chess.

I’ve never been really good at chess despite how much I’ve tried. In a game of chess, I realized that there are lots of rules, limitations and boundaries and such is the dating world. It seems to me anyone that cannot inhale the requirements would simply fail. Why can’t everything be so easy? A few centuries ago, I wouldn’t have to worry.

I find it repelling and exhausting that almost every relationship I’ve tried to have, failed. Going to seminars, reading books brought my attention to the fact that it is an ever changing world and one must keep up with the rules, hence you’d feel like you just dropped from another planet. There are just too many guesses, what-ifs, dos and don’ts; all these are pretty tiring.

It is excruciating that there’re so many rules involved. There are expectations which I can’t figure out (remember I’m not good at games), I don’t mind being told ‘this is what I want and how I want it.’ I’m a man, why can’t I just be one and let my feelings take its natural course? It baffled me when I heard showing you care too much is considered a sign of needy and desperation. Why can’t I just walk up to her and tell her the truth simply, I’m interested in her. Why do I have to go through all the process of pretending to be just a friend? It seems to me that only master players get the women. And these master players get the women, not only do they do that, they move on to the fresh bloods as soon as they’ve had their fill. Why would a girl pick a confident interesting smooth talker over a shy stuttering but sincere young man? It made me realize everyone (both sexes) like them confident, but I am not the type.

Honestly, I am as sincere as they come. Why can’t I age with her learning, her style and her ways? Why do I have to be restricted to some refined skills? It feels limited and not expressive enough, yet I can’t do much with my natural instincts.

Image: http://pinterest.com/pin/13651605090386118/

 

Question: The Past

A reblog – When the Past is not Past, What do you do?

QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who wants to put God first and seek His will in our relationship. However, she has a very promiscuous and abusive past, leaving her with a permanent STD. I feel like I should end the relationship, but if she is truly repentant I believe I should be able to get past her issues and love her for the person she has become. Her past grieves me…it’s such a burden to me right now. Should I enjoy my time with her and let God do His work in our lives, or reluctantly part ways and search for someone else?

Read the responses here –  http://www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/he-said-she-said/he-said-she-said-when-the-past-is-painful.html

When the past is still affecting the future, it is not the past.
Relationships Do Matter,
PFlo

 

The Difference

Is this possible we might have found  the missing relationship misnomer ?
Is it possible the men and women are looking at each other incorrectly ?
Is it possible that we’ve got our peculiarities and differences tangled up ? Image

You don’t say!

Or is it possible men are just so confused by what they think women want they themselves have it twisted ? Well, regardless of how far the pendulum has swung, let’s make it right.
Now, read this excerpt I found in my draft box this morning, SLOWLY.

“A woman would be much better off if she could distinguish the difference between a man that flatters her and a man that compliments her. A man that spends money on her and a man who invests in her. A man that views her as property and a man that views her properly. A man that lusts after her and a man that loves her. A man that believes he is God‘s gift to women and a man that REMEMBERS a woman was God’s gift to man.” – Anon

So what do you think ?

pF*