‘Caught In Between’ – Dami Ige (RDM Contributior)

Hello All: Long distance relationships (LDRs) are vastly understudied yet seems to be increasing or on an upswing lately. I must admit that technological advancements have made it easier to keep and stay in touch. So many questions, yet so few answers on the common challenges associated with LDRs. Well…

Dami, starts the conversation by capturing the genesis LDRs…read, comment and post your questions. Join the chat on Facebook too (Relationships Matter Group).


I do not believe in “love at first sight”. You wouldn’t be wrong if you say love came looking for me. Sola and I became friends after a brief incident in our University days. In the process of scrambling for the front seat, I stepped on Sola’sinjured leg; he screamed with exaggerated terror that I was frozen with fear. I was shocked and did not know what next todo, I had attracted some attention. Like a bubble split, Iapologized as if my life depended on it. My words fluttered, I stammered and I was sorry.

‘Sit with me’, he said coolly and almost authoritative.

I could feel a rush of emotions sweep across my face. No doubt he fazed me. I wasn’t ready to sit with him but the seats I wanted were all taken so I sat with him resigned, and keeping a distant face. But he worked his charms on me and we’ve become good friends since then.

In our third year, second semester, on a Saturday night,after a film show at the school theatre, Sola walked me to my hostel and that was when he confessed his feelings for me. I was overwhelmed, apart from sola being a sought after, he is a good person in every sense of being good. I am not the sly type. I had always loved and prayed for him. I had good feelings about him. So I told him upfront, minced no word in telling him what I feel for him and our relationship took a new turn that night. We became inseparable except when we need be. We had our struggles but it was all fair. We were nominated for ‘likely to get married’, we won several couple’s awards, and we had moments of pure bliss. It was Shangri-La!

After our service year, life started taking a new turn; it was no more a roller-coaster. We had lots of issues. I wanted to be recognized in my career. He had once confessed my feisty tamed under innocent looks was his first attraction to me. I thought he had always known I would go all out for my job, but he obviously wanted a rather more subtle character in a wife and that was our first real struggle. And that is still not settled yet.

He asked me to dinner one night when he announced his intentions to travel out for his Masters degree. I love sola and I want him to go all out for his dreams, so I didn’t protest much but I was hurting and devastated. We had an informal introduction and he left a month after.

We had it going at first, several video calls, morning and night text messages, it all started fading as time went on. We became engrossed in our different pursuits and we both should take the fall for that. It has been three years now and he is done yet he has no plans to return to Nigeria soon. He has gotten a job and keeps talking about relocation. I love my job here in Nigeria, I enjoy what I do, I had never dreamt of relocating to another country. Still, I am a woman, the pressure is on me, Iand a male colleague are already getting close, I have a bridled affection for him and I’m wondering how long, just how long it is going to take before I let my emotions take over. Sola seems to hold no hope for me anymore.

So what do you think?

  • Beautiful write up…more grace…you need to get to the bottom of your relationship with Sola, call him & talk to him in order to know if indeed the relationship is over.

  • Djake

    What a LDR needs is pure understanding and oneness in purpose….Obviously you and Sola lack one of both and practically speaking,you’ve stated that Sola already has a job out there and beckoning on you to relocate but you don’t want to relocate. It’s left for you now to decide what you want dear ; Sola (the man you love and start your career out there) or your colleague (which will guarantee your stay in Nigeria – whose bad side remains a mystery to you).

    Life is filled with choices,but we should take a pause sometimes and think logically and not on impulse,emotions or feelings….

  • Victor

    What i think this write-up triggers in me is love but not the deep type which i hear it is called AGAPE! You love Sola and it is true but you wouldn’t relocate there is where the problem lies ( Love believes all things…endures…) Again, if he also loves you, he should be able to die for you! The way i see marriage is God’s call for a man to come and DIE for the wife!
    Sure still Dami, You said that you prayed for him but you didn’t say God gave you an express instruction to go ahead… Love has its own risks but i am sure they are good ones.
    I like this post! Shalom

  • very true