Deeper Issues – Conflicts and Arguments.

Thank God it’s Friday!!!
Hope you’ve got something fun, relaxing and reinvigorating planned for this weekend?

If I may…let me be real honest with you; a loving relationship will involve ‘discussions’ and disagreements. These are necessary components of any relationship and do note shouldn’t necessarily be misconstrued as a sign the relationship is doomed. I panicked a little bit when I had my first marital disagreement and do you know why?

Promise you won’t laugh – OK, whatever!

I was at a conference and heard a noted conference speaker declare that he had never experienced any conflicts, disagreements or fights in his marriage. That touched me, the examples around me were slightly different from what I was hearing…how revolutionary! So I prayed to God that I would also enjoy the same bliss in marriage specifically no disagreements, fights or issues. It sounded so revolutionary and I wanted it…a challenge free, quarrel free marriage filled with unending bliss just like any love story or movie. The ‘happily ever after’!!! Sign me up! Please sign me up. In retrospect, I forgot the vital component he had mentioned was key which was WISDOM.

Horror Story – Yikes!
So can you imagine my ‘horror’ when I had my first argument in my marriage? I felt like a big fraud, a failure honestly how could I claim to be a Christian when I have a disagreement in my home. I felt like I had personally disappointed God. Now, that was a while ago, I have discovered an important truth it is not the arguments but what I choose to do with them – WISDOM.

Much later, I discovered this scripture; "Ephesians 4:26 Amplified Bible (AMP), like many I had read this scripture many times but I ‘discovered’ the truth therein. (WISDOM).
That verse simply stated this – "When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down." It’s a WHEN not an IF. In order words, God knows we will be angry but making the right choice (even when angry is the key).

Phew, the goal is to find the root cause and address them as quickly as possible.

Maturity is a Journey
In relationships, we are not really as mature as we claim or think. But, I am hopeful that this truth will help you deal with the seasons of your marriage when the tension of life and relationships collide. You will need WISDOM (Join In The Wisdom Challenge) because wisdom is critical to handling, avoiding and resolving conflicts. A wise couple know that ‘fights’ in relationships must be fair, the focus must never be on destroying the home but rather on highlighting issues that need be addressed in a mature manner. Disagreements shouldn’t be cutting the other party so deep or damaging each other’s well being or betraying sacred trusts and secrets.

It should be about the real issues.
Relationship disagreements should NOT involve yelling and screaming, and any amount of physical abuse is too much and simply wrong! Learning how to deal with anger and conflict without losing control is a sign of maturity.

Remember these truths (source unknown but author acknowledged),

Arguments centered on money is rarely about money – It’s about power.
Arguments centered on sex is rarely about sexuality-It’s about intimacy.
Arguments centered on chores is rarely about chores- It’s about fairness.
Arguments centered on the kids is rarely about the kids-It’s about control.
Arguments centered on jealousy is rarely about fidelity-It’s about maturity.
Arguments about work is rarely about the work-It’s about time.
Arguments about relatives is rarely about them-It’s about expectations.

Don’t forget what’s important in life…they are not things but people.
Share, Comment, Inquire and APPLY because – Relationships Really Do Matter!

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