Issues

“Happy Father’s Day” from a Mother’s heart – Lola Dabiri (RDM Guest Contributor)

This is to the many Daddies that have defied all odds to stand. You have stood, (and are standing)… willing…, involved and dedicated to your families.

These are men who have had no good role model nor any model at all. Like most Dads, when ‘daddiship was thrust upon them. They were not only unprepared but lacked first hand resource of what a good Dad should be. Having no practice at being good dads they have like most gone in ‘on a wing and a prayer. These men grew up either without their fathers or with fathers who were only at home bodily with minds and hearts far away…

These men served the generation before them ; the generation of their fathers -who weren’t there for them and ironically in this present days ,having become fathers themselves, are still called upon to serve…again. This should have been their time to be served , but the world has changed and they need to again serve their children.

These are men who have only ‘walk-away’, ‘walk -out , and or ‘present -yet-absent’ fathers surrounding them.

Somehow, they’ve built a vision of the kind of father they’d like to be. They decided and have managed to stay, instead of leave, to be involved rather than stay aloof. They watch as the world praise mothers over and over again. Yes, mothers are worthy of praise and appreciation (I am a mother, and I know my worth). However, my heart goes out to these men, who have had to somehow learn how to be fathers with no or very few examples to emulate. They choose daily, not only to be financial providers but to be pillars of support for their wives and kids.

These are ‘macho’ men, who would ordinarily not go for counseling or seek advice when they don’t know what to do or how to help the kids. Men who have taken the burden of their family to heart, bearing it along with that of finding themselves and their true calling.

These are men who work hard during the day, to keep food on the table, and ensure a roof stays over their families’ heads. They are still at it at night- helping with their kids’ homework and lending a hand and a smile to the wife. They don’t stop at these. At weekends , you’ll find them at kids’ extracurricular activities, giving time and strength for picnics and the like, kids birthday celebrations grace their schedules and they even show up at school shows.

These men have gone and still go above the “call of society-induced duty”. Afterall, in societies’ eyes a good father provides and gives his bodily presence period. In this scenario, the moms are stuck with filling in all the blanks and fill in they must or they are tagged as irresponsible moms. From ages past, society has put the burden of raising the kids on the moms. The Moms – bless our hearts – of course have risen to the challenge. We all know of the strength of a woman. The world and even men have praise women as they filled in all the blanks. Any of these women with not so strong a character have fallen prey to depression (mostly post-partum?), bipolar disorders and other metal/ emotional disorders as they struggle to fulfil the so- called family duties the society has dropped on their laps.

Some women have chosen to rebel. Towing the path of provider and all. Some have been cornered into that role just “to survive” when the man dropped his ‘man pants’. Some also became walk-out women, getting fed-up with it all and gallantly walking out on their families. Needless to say it was more often than not for the sake of their sanity and nothing else. Who can judge such?

Anyway, back to the ones I’ve chosen today to duff my hat to. Truly, my heart praises these great men-Dads who are often misunderstood by those who you toil to support –clear communication is not one of your strengths- You hurt and you heal and keep striding on, being content with the priceless reward of your kids smiling faces. Of course they adore you. You are their hero.

I say thanks to you great Dads. You know yourselves and you know all you’ve done and still do. How you struggle and keep it all to yourselves. How you love your wives and kids so much so that you do all you can for them. How you often wonder if you are making any impact at all. Self-confidence often eludes you, self-doubt often trips you up…but you soldier on boldly. I say thanks to y’all.

The only sure example you have is that of the heavenly father. I pray you keep your eyes on Him as you stride on as champions, having conquered your past and seeming tendencies in these present days.We’ll all agree, God the father is a tough act to follow… but be rest assured, He’ll help, support and reward you. Surely, there’s an end and your expectations will not be cut short. May you eat bountiful fruits from your labours in Jesus’ name.

Sincerely,

Lola

12/2/11@Sette Cama, Gabon

Edited 06/15/13

p.s To all other Dads who had/ have good role models…remain blessed. May you surpass the good that you have been shown, and bear fruits of multiple harvests in Jesus’ name.

  • Thank you, ‘was just thinking of dropping a line or two to appreciate those who provide for, nurture, guide and lead…especially those who didn’t have a close role model on fatherhood, except from God. You’ve over hit the nail on the end with this deep and detailed post. God bless you. And God bless those who fall in this category, I know some too so I duff my hat as well.

  • Toyin

    God bless all our fathers and Dads. This is so thoughtful of you Lola. May the Lord continue to grant you the wisdom and give you the right word for the season. Bon travail!