An interesting piece for Christian Men, it’s time to get this ‘dating’ thing right.
How to Win a Woman’s Heart
There was a time during my unmarried years when I was trying so hard to get dating right that I just ended up getting it weird.
There was a time during my unmarried years when I griped that the only women who were drawn to me were "old ladies, female relatives and little girls." I wondered what was wrong with all the eligible bachelorettes who were overlooking me. I should have asked myself what was wrong with me. I might have realized that I was trying so hard to get dating right that I just ended up getting it weird.
I think back to the many first dates where I discussed my thoughts on marriage before we had even finished our meals – weird. Then there was the excessive verbal processing of every little step in the relationship – so weird. And there were the countless dates that I managed to ruin by rambling on like I was talking to my therapist. It was embarrassingly weird, and it was all done to create an artificial sense of closeness and thereby force the outcome of marriage. It did not work.
On the other hand, some of the guys I knew had the opposite problem. Where I was trying to get engaged by the end of the third date, they could never seem to make it to the first one. Either they were apathetic to engaging with women one-on-one, or they actually believed that ambiguous social interactions were enough to keep things moving – well, it kept them moving alright: toward frustration and resentment on the part of the women who couldn’t figure out where they stood with these guys.
In retrospect, I think we all could’ve used a good verbal shin-kicking to yank us out of our alternate realities. There’s no guarantee it would have actually worked (heaven knows some people certainly tried), but if I could go back in time and be the one to make the speech, here’s what I would have said.
Deal With Yourself
Before you’re ever going to win a woman’s heart, you’ve got to deal with your own. I’m not saying that you’ve got to be fully mature to pursue a woman, or no man would ever get married. What I’m saying is, if you’ve got a drinking problem, major credit card debt, serious daddy/mommy issues, a porn addiction – if you’ve dropped out of college multiple times and you can’t keep a job, please don’t invite a woman into that mess.
Get yourself into counseling, and while you’re at it, do whatever it takes to be friends with an older, stable, married guy. Be completely transparent with these mentors and with God, and ask for help in moving toward stability. Why? Because part of what makes you so weird with women is the fact that you’ve got baggage that you’re always subconsciously trying to hide. They sense it – even if they can’t put their finger on it – and it leaves them feeling slightly uneasy.
Talking and praying through your issues with these mentors will help you change and be more confident as you introduce the real you to women. A healthy woman will pick up on the fact that you feel comfortable with yourself, and it will go a long way toward helping her feel the same way. But once you’ve done the work of making yourself more emotionally attractive, don’t start aimlessly pursing women just because they’ll say "yes" when you ask them out.
Read the rest of the story here: http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2013/how-to-win-a-womans-heart
It’s a new month and this 2nd half will be better than the former one indeed.