General

Old Flame(s) – Can I ‘friend’ him or her?

Honestly, it has been an interesting month so far here at ‘Relationship Matters’…and the chat room amazingly interactive. Indeed, like most ‘fiery’ relationships (topics) it started with a question, so let me ask you the same question. “Will you, Should one FRIEND one’s OLD FLAME (single, married, divorced, widowed) on FACEBOOK (social media)? The answers varied from absolutely NO to ‘it depends’ YES; many opinions based on past experiences, maturity, persuasion and much more. However it’s noteworthy that with the significant growth and prevalence of social media (s), the opportunity to reconnect and rekindle, often discreetly with ex flames, friends etc has never been so easy.

A wise king in the bible admonished all to never arouse love, passion prematurely in the book of Ecclesiastes and it’s safe to say never arouse a past love. Psychologists report an increase in stressed relationships due in part to increased online, casual relationships. For some, it started as a casual discussion, a business transaction, a search for a confidant, a ‘let me say hi’ intention and such noble intentions but what invariably developed is a threat to established ‘real’ relationships.

Perhaps we might never agree on specifics but let’s start here and work backward…
The following are my pointers to help one identify if one has crossed the line:

  1. You share intimate secrets about your relationship, marriage with him or her.
  2. You seek counsels from each other and refer to him or her as an authentic source.
  3. You make blatant, subtle comparisons between him/her and your spouse.
  4. You withdraw from your spouse, friends and spend excessive hours online.

And here are additional tips by Ms Marjie Killeen Wilmette (author and contributor to the online group makeitbetter.net), these signs she wrote are definitely signs one’s online relationship has crossed the line:

  1. You think about it all the time, and are constantly waiting for emails and texts.
  2. You fantasize about your ex, and find ways to bring him or her up in your conversations.
  3. You see your marriage differently; feel it’s lacking, begin to find fault with your SPOUSE.
  4. You wonder if you and your old flame were really meant to be
  5. You keep your relationship secret from your spouse.
  6. You make plans to meet your ex in person.

So what do you think? Be honest!
It’s your choice, will you make your relationship (marriage, dating, engagement etc) healthy? If yes, then don’t cross these lines…because Relationships really do matter.
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