HOT MARRIAGE or HOT MONOGAMY sounds like an oxymoron and often we allude HOT to only a DATE, A PERSON or an AFFAIR.
There is a place for a HOT MARRIAGE.
I have been married for more than 15 years and honestly the novelty of a bouquet of roses, candies or perfumes as an ideal valentine’s day gift has worn off. I have to be more creative than that, it does help that my spouse doesn’t really rank those items as critical must haves anymore so that helps but guys if your spouse considers those as must haves, the smart play is to get one or all in addition with this special gift I am recommending.
For us, with the parental responsibilities, work, career, ministry work we are involved in, creating legacy comes to mind as the ultimate focus and being in the same ‘space’ carries more credence than presents. So for us, moving from PRESENTS to PRESENCE is logical. Or like I love to say in my coaching work, the right play for us is moving from being ‘everywhere’ a generalist to being ‘in the moment’.
It’s about enjoying the moments, the jokes, making mistakes and enjoy the process of correction, change and growth. Before you run off thinking how easy this sounds let me summarize common themes from our marriage that I know is applicable to almost all marriages.
Here are some facts we can all agree on –
- Marriage is hard and tedious work.
- Marriage is not for the immature.
- Marriage demands focus and grit.
- Marriage works best when both parties are committed to the same goals.
- Marriage is God’s idea and it’s marvelous, special and glorious. In addition, it will require God’s grace and power as well.
- Marriage demands faithfulness, selflessness and the ability to handle boredom and routine.
If I may, let me encourage all the married readers to consider giving your spouses the gift of a SIZZLING HOT MARRIAGE.
So here are some pointers from Kristen Welch @WeareTHATfamily from her article, “Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood and Monotony”. She mentioned how habits take some time to develop and often times require 21 days or more. Try the following six habits for the next month and see what happens she dares. Why don’t we take this dare on?
- Touch everyday: Make a conscious effort to grab his hand, run your hands through her hair, kiss for a couple of seconds. Set a goal to physically touch his arm when you’re talking, tackle him in a hug in your closet, pat her butt on the way out the door.
- Be good forgivers: Perhaps the most crucial key is forgiveness. Listen, marriage is the union of two people prone to mistakes and sin. You can’t control your spouse, but you can forgive. Refuse to pick them apart, turn molehills into mountains and wave the banner of unforgiveness.
- Make the little things big: The other day, my husband gave me a card and a new wallet, just because. It was a small thing, but it made a big impression. I knew he was thinking about me when we were apart. Connecting with your spouse in small ways that makes them feel loved is a big deal.
- Fill our minds with thoughts of each other: Let’s be honest, we live in a world where it’s easy to fill up our tank with outside influences. From the pretty girl in the office or in the magazine to the romantic, handsome guy in the novel we’re reading or movie we’re watching, there are many ways to get satisfaction outside of our spouse. Lust is ignited with a second look. But when we only let our mate fill up our tank, we are on the path to a marriage that is not only white hot, but holy.
- Go to bed at the same time: While this might not be possible every night, this habit is important because it is a quiet time to connect. Texting and chatting on the phone are a good substitute if you have to be a part. Nearly missing each other constantly brings a chaos to your home that isn’t healthy for your marriage or family.
- Compliment each other: This might sound like a no-brainer, but 500 people can like my new hair cut and none of the compliments mean as much as his. Seeing him look at me — really look and watch attraction ignite in his eyes is amazing. We were shopping the other day and I casually pointed out the green t-shirt on sale and said, “That would look good on you.” My daughter tried to convince him to get the red one and I overheard him tell her, “No, mom likes the green.” Your influence over your spouse is powerful, use it to bless them.
Kristen honestly declared that they get it right some days and miss the mark other days. But we never give up. Click to read her entire article on HuffPost
So married couples let this Valentine’s Day be one where focus is placed on the legacy of your union, the sanctity of your marriage and the beautiful yet undiscovered fun and joy in your homes.
We are going to give it a go as well…I’ll remind you weekly for the next 3-4 weeks. Do it! You can do it.