“It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life.
So, the question for the single person looking for love is: What are the internal challenges I need to face?
Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defensive. This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.
If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.
Here are some of the other reasons-
2) Unhealthy Attractions
Read the rest of the article here: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201311/8-reasons-you-might-still-be-single
Need to talk to someone today ? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
© Kelechi Okeahialam
Folks, I stumbled upon this piece online and couldn’t help sharing. Please read and pass along.
Remember Relationships Do Matter.PFlo
15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair
Article culled from iVillage.com
Image Source: thetechnicalauthor
Time is running out. Year after year, the young are getting old and the old are getting older – day by day, a minute at a time!
But part of growing old is asking questions that peel back the layers of reason and logic.
In today’s fast-paced world of tight and gruesome schedules, demanding routines, long ‘grocery’ lists, huge deals, giant
leaps, and great gains. But at what price? It does appear we gain so little, yet lose so much. It is still a GAIN some insist but let me submit to you what it is,
A Negative Gain. When you add it up, you lose.
Let me clarify what Negative Gain is. Negative Gain is making it big alone, with no one to celebrate with you.
Negative Gain is external success with internal failures.
Negative Gain is a beautiful exterior with a decaying interior.
Negative Gain is smart compromises but lost ideals.
Negative Gain is gaining the world and losing one’s soul.
Negative Gain is like successful couples with abandoned children or an unhappy marriage.
Negative Gain is akin to an individual giving ‘all’ in hope of retaining, but losing it all.
Negative Gain is knowing so much, yet applying so little.
Negative Gain is the accumulation of accolades, but the conspicuous loss and/or absence of family and good friends.
Negative Gain is the accumulation of life’s goods and treasures with an empty soul.
Negative Gain is a gigantic loss.
Question: Let me ask you a simple question, “What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What
could you ever trade your soul for? What is your soul worth?” Matthew 16:26 Message Version
Check this video out: [youtube http://youtube.com/w/?v=WrJMOzs1hKI]
It is easy to get busy. It is easy to lose sight of what’s really important.
It is easy to keep running, to keep chasing, to keep grasping, to keep fighting, to keep demanding.
It is easy to maintain the status-quo, ignore the ‘check-engine’ light and keep racking up the score.
It is easy to focus on others to the detriment of your self.
It is easy to become a shadow of your vibrant, determined, focused and passionate self.
It is easy to adapt to compromises to the detriment of your conscience.
I have been at sickbeds. I have heard from people before their final ‘cross-overs.’ I have been told life is never about the ‘GAINS,’ the ‘toys,’ or the trophies.
Perhaps rightly so consider a popular anonymous quote, ‘the best things in life are really not things’. Those ‘things’ are intangibles – love, family, friendships and most importantly faith.
So what’s your soul worth?
Culled from ‘Get Off Your Duff’ By ‘Flo Falayi (Published Dec. 2010)
Image Source: lovingmyground.tumblr.com
It’s starting to feel like Spring. I hope and trust this meets you well. This is a follow up to our conversation about your journey, yep that ‘relationship’ journey filled with its numerous challenges and fun. LOL! I understand the expectations, the dos and don’ts’. Does it get easier, you ask?
Well, I know how you feel. I really do feel your pain; you’re struggling, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated. I sense your desire to give up, you’ve said it numerous times that it’s probably better to be average than go all out. You posit that it’s easier that way; easier to deal with anguish, disappointments, failures and intermittent victories if you are average. Maybe it won’t hurt that much…
If I can just be honest for a moment, average and it’s dull amber lights teases you to succumb to it’s lies, it’s easy it seems considering how common and popular it is. I do admit that there is a tendency to assume here and as I speak to others just like you, there is no denying the fact that this is one of the biggest issues many singles face daily. The monster called peer pressure, the pressure to succumb to the majority, to fit in and to be accepted.
Can we just talk ? Can I be frank?
Why bother you ask?
Why bother confronting average, a state many would rather assume is ideal?
Why be different when it’s easier to blend in?
Well, before you tune me out understand that isn’t about the past; our past is past but about the wondrous opportunities in our future. Ever since I met Grace, my perspective has changed. For this ‘Grace’ in the book of Titus 2, verse 11- 15 appeared with an agenda for mankind and quickly became to teach all what and how to deny, embrace, accept, adopt and display. See in my line of work mentoring, counseling and raising singles and leaders, I have realized it’s not about ease or convenience but obedience.
The injunction to stand out is not convenient at all.
You know this much don’t you?
Honestly, it has never been easy, so forget easy. It’s always been by Grace.
Join me for an hour long free tele-conference, it’s an hour long ‘Not for the faint of heart’, Sex & Single Conversation where all singles, Christ followers are challenged to step up and set a new standard for this generation! Don’t hide, don’t give in, don’t dismiss it…issues, questions and much more. I know you’ve got many questions and I think we better talk. Check it out first, keep your opinions at bay, click here – http://eepurl.com/jRyW5
PS: Some of the lessons for a successful relationship include numerous biblical insights, quotes, ideas with an appreciation of both sexes, male and female as well as wise counsel from my mentors who paved the way. These insights are in my new book, ‘Relationships Do Matter’ and from which I will be sharing with you on the free conference call. So what are you waiting for?
Relationships happen! Sometimes, they happen naturally and in some cases spontaneously, but making them LAST takes effort, insight and wisdom. In my book, “Relationships do Matter”, the tools necessary to sustain relationships are introduced in a deliberate attempt to extend the ongoing conversations on Relationships.
This is a must have, must read book because:
…filled with insightful, honest and practical biblical truths for those in relationship(s) (married, engaged, dating or just friends) or those ready for a relationship. Well, the wait is almost over.
Available March 22nd, 2012; Pre-order your copy now (EMAIL)