8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life.
Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box.
However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “Why am I still single?” here are some unconventional answers that lie within.
When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.
To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions.

So, the question for the single person looking for love is: What are the internal challenges I need to face?

1) Defenses

Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and become defensive. This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.

If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.

Here are some of the other reasons-

2) Unhealthy Attractions

3) Fear of Intimacy

4) Pickiness

Read the rest of the article here: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201311/8-reasons-you-might-still-be-single

Need to talk to someone today ?  Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

5 Things Super Successful People Do Before 8 AM

5 Things Super Successful People Do Before 8 AM

Rise and shine! Morning time just became your new best friend. Love it or hate it, utilizing the morning hours before work may be the key to a successful, and healthy, lifestyle. That’s right, early rising is a common trait found in many CEOs, government officials, and other influential people. Margaret Thatcher was up every day at 5 a.m.; Frank Lloyd Wright at 4 am and Robert Iger, the CEO of Disney wakes at 4:30am just to name a few. I know what you’re thinking – you do your best work at night. Not so fast. According to Inc. Magazine, morning people have been found to be more proactive and more productive. In addition, the health benefits for those with a life before work go on and on. Let’s explore 5 of the things successful people do before 8 am.

Turning Point By Kelechi Okeahialam (Guest Contributor)

Kelechi Vera Okeahialam, is an HR professional, who loves God passionately, enjoys singing and expressing herself through creative writing, ballet and liturgical dance. She is passionate about inspiring people, especially young people and women to “find their voice”, and has found a deep satisfaction in mentoring and coaching women and young people. 

Turning Point

 Often times I came to you
In haste and in a flurry
Asking for this and for that
Harried and rapidly working out a plan B
Just in case You didn’t give me what I wanted
I would ask you impatiently
Tapping my feet and consulting my diary
Giving you ultimatums
As if you had nothing better to do
Than to satisfy my every whim
I never thought to ask
Why the Master of the Universe
Waited patiently
As I went through a tirade, a tantrum and a sulk respectively
I never questioned why he didn’t call me to order
And exercise his divine will over mine
Time and time again as I came to Him
With one cosmetic need or the other
He gently tried to woo me
Court me; turn my attention away from the toys
Which were really the only reasons I needed Him
He would watch me in church
Screaming in ecstasy as the preacher preached my kind of message
Full of razzmatazz and why I had a right to the finer things of life
Speaking christianese as if I really knew God
Quoting scripture in rapid succession
A fake at best and this is not a jest
One day I came into His Presence
Broken, torn and bleeding
Gone were my arrogance and tirades
As I wailed in His comforting arms
I lifted my face for the first time
To behold His Weeping face
And encountered a love that blew me away
His eyes were warm and tender, so full of love for me!
As He His hands gently wiped my tears away
I saw the God who had waited so long
For me to realise I was made for Him
And all of a sudden, everything I ever thought was necessary to life
Faded into oblivion
I beheld the lover of my soul and my fire within
I gasped in wonder, touching his scared face
I wept in joy, as He sang over me
Rivers of healing power washing over me
Renewing, re-validating, re- directing
I saw myself as He created me to be
Gloriously living for His Praise
I saw the pain and trials on the path He set before me
Yet I rejoiced over the majesty I saw after the pain
I knew then
That I would walk across hot coals for Him
If that would bring Him glory
Now and then and again,
I would come in a tantrum and sulk
Forgetting how far I’d come with Him
Immediately I’d hear Him call my name
That voice that shakes the foundations of the universe
The voice that causes the oceans to flee in awe
And everything would become clear again
As I run into the arms of He who loved me first and best

© Kelechi Okeahialam

Wish We’d Known: 15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair – iVillage

Folks, I stumbled upon this piece online and couldn’t help sharing. Please read and pass along.
Remember Relationships Do Matter.PFlo

15 Things No One Told Us About Having an Affair

  1. It Probably Started Out Innocently.
  2. You won’t consider the ramifications until it’s too late.
  3. You will try to justify it.
  4. The excitement will fuel you.
  5. You will live in constant fear.
  6. The Guilt will be All consuming.
  7. Affairs are expensive.
  8. You will pull away from your friends.
  9. Sleep will be something you used to do.
  10. You will discover that no relationships is perfect.
  11. Guarding your phone or your computer will be a full time job.
  12. You will worry you will say the wrong name at the wrong time.
  13. The new sex will get old, soon.
  14. To conceal or confuse, both options suck.
  15. You will have regrets.

Article culled from iVillage.com
Image Source: thetechnicalauthor

Negative Gain

Negative Gain

Time is running out. Year after year, the young are getting old and the old are getting older – day by day, a minute at a time!
But part of growing old is asking questions that peel back the layers of reason and logic.

In today’s fast-paced world of tight and gruesome schedules, demanding routines, long ‘grocery’ lists, huge deals, giant
leaps, and great gains. But at what price? It does appear we gain so little, yet lose so much. It is still a GAIN some insist but let me submit to you what it is,
A Negative Gain. When you add it up, you lose.

Let me clarify what Negative Gain is. Negative Gain is making it big alone, with no one to celebrate with you.
Negative Gain is external success with internal failures.
Negative Gain is a beautiful exterior with a decaying interior.
Negative Gain is smart compromises but lost ideals.

Negative Gain is gaining the world and losing one’s soul.
Negative Gain is like successful couples with abandoned children or an unhappy marriage.
Negative Gain is akin to an individual giving ‘all’ in hope of retaining, but losing it all.
Negative Gain is knowing so much, yet applying so little.
Negative Gain is the accumulation of accolades, but the conspicuous loss and/or absence of family and good friends.
Negative Gain is the accumulation of life’s goods and treasures with an empty soul.
Negative Gain is a gigantic loss.

Question: Let me ask you a simple question, “What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What
could you ever trade your soul for? What is your soul worth?” Matthew 16:26 Message Version

Check this video out: [youtube http://youtube.com/w/?v=WrJMOzs1hKI]

It is easy to get busy. It is easy to lose sight of what’s really important.
It is easy to keep running, to keep chasing, to keep grasping, to keep fighting, to keep demanding.
It is easy to maintain the status-quo, ignore the ‘check-engine’ light and keep racking up the score.
It is easy to focus on others to the detriment of your self.
It is easy to become a shadow of your vibrant, determined, focused and passionate self.
It is easy to adapt to compromises to the detriment of your conscience.

I have been at sickbeds. I have heard from people before their final ‘cross-overs.’ I have been told life is never about the ‘GAINS,’ the ‘toys,’ or the trophies.
Perhaps rightly so consider a popular anonymous quote, ‘the best things in life are really not things’. Those ‘things’ are intangibles – love, family, friendships and most importantly faith.
So what’s your soul worth?

Culled from ‘Get Off Your Duff’ By ‘Flo Falayi (Published Dec. 2010)spacer.gifspacer.gif
Image Source: lovingmyground.tumblr.com

“An Open Letter”

Dear “S”,

It’s starting to feel like Spring. I hope and trust this meets you well. This is a follow up to our conversation about your journey, yep that ‘relationship’ journey filled with its numerous challenges and fun. LOL! I understand the expectations, the dos and don’ts’. Does it get easier, you ask?

Well, I know how you feel. I really do feel your pain; you’re struggling, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated. I sense your desire to give up, you’ve said it numerous times that it’s probably better to be average than go all out. You posit that it’s easier that way; easier to deal with anguish, disappointments, failures and intermittent victories if you are average. Maybe it won’t hurt that much…

If I can just be honest for a moment, average and it’s dull amber lights teases you to succumb to it’s lies, it’s easy it seems considering how common and popular it is. I do admit that there is a tendency to assume here and as I speak to others just like you, there is no denying the fact that this is one of the biggest issues many singles face daily. The monster called peer pressure, the pressure to succumb to the majority, to fit in and to be accepted.

Can we just talk ? Can I be frank?
Why bother you ask?

Why bother confronting average, a state many would rather assume is ideal?

Why be different when it’s easier to blend in?

Well, before you tune me out understand that isn’t about the past; our past is past but about the wondrous opportunities in our future. Ever since I met Grace, my perspective has changed. For this ‘Grace’ in the book of Titus 2, verse 11- 15 appeared with an agenda for mankind and quickly became to teach all what and how to deny, embrace, accept, adopt and display. See in my line of work mentoring, counseling and raising singles and leaders, I have realized it’s not about ease or convenience but obedience.

The injunction to stand out is not convenient at all.

You know this much don’t you?

  • It has never been easy to walk by faith in this generation and culture.
  • It has never been easy to live righteously.
  • It has never been easy to make a difference.
  • It has never been easy to do what God‘s word requires, demands, expects, commands and instructs.

Honestly, it has never been easy, so forget easy. It’s always been by Grace.

Join me for an hour long free tele-conference, it’s an hour long ‘Not for the faint of heart’, Sex & Single Conversation where all singles, Christ followers are challenged to step up and set a new standard for this generation! Don’t hide, don’t give in, don’t dismiss it…issues, questions and much more. I know you’ve got many questions and I think we better talk. Check it out first, keep your opinions at bay, click here – http://eepurl.com/jRyW5


PS: Some of the lessons for a successful relationship include numerous biblical insights, quotes, ideas with an appreciation of both sexes, male and female as well as wise counsel from my mentors who paved the way. These insights are in my new book, ‘Relationships Do Matter’ and from which I will be sharing with you on the free conference call. So what are you waiting for?



New Book: “Relationships-do-Matter” Coming Soon!

Relationships happen! Sometimes, they happen naturally and in some cases spontaneously, but making them LAST takes effort, insight and wisdom. In my book, “Relationships do Matter”, the tools necessary to sustain relationships are introduced in a deliberate attempt to extend the ongoing conversations on Relationships.

This is a must have, must read book because:

  • Relationships Matter!!!
  • Relationships do Matter!!!
  • Relationships really do Matter!!!

…filled with insightful, honest and practical biblical truths for those in relationship(s) (married, engaged, dating or just friends) or those ready for a relationship. Well, the wait is almost over.

Available March 22nd, 2012; Pre-order your copy now (EMAIL)