Will Love Find You?


Are you ready and available?


Relationships are complex and broad brush strokes. ​When applied to extremely complex situations is unfair, unimaginative and rarely helpful. There is a reason why many clichés and opinions do not help many people. Conversely, often times we complicate simple ​things by over-thinking or over-analyzing due to ignorance or limited information. I know this much is true; it is very easy to generalize and be dismissive in the same breadth when we discuss relationships. For example, when we say are you ready and available, what comes to mind? What do you think?

​​There are three possible outcomes when you are “Ready and Available”.

The first category: BRUISED AND BATTERED

There are those that have ventured out but have been burned significantly or emotionally battered:

You were once ready and available
You gave love a chance
Trusted him or her and eventually got burned (either got played, cheated on, left behind, treated badly etc)
Long story short, you are now in a bad place…

  • Confused and frustrated
  • Timid and unsure
  • Perhaps equally upsetting is the fact that no one cares or understands. To that I can relate because ​​I understand.

You are stuck between a hard place and a rock.
That’s no permanent place to be.It is an OK place to be but only for a short while.

First of all, you are going to need to heal.
You have to get back to 100% because where you are is surreal.It’s a dark place and perhaps comfortable but we need to get some light into that place, “your space”.

Light brings some clarity, illumination, fresh breath, new hope, new word, new possibilities. ​With light comes the strength to rebuild, retool, repair and refresh. Light allows you to get back to the place where you love yourself unconditionally.​The place where you are okay with being yourself.

That place of serenity and calmness. Honestly, it makes sense if you don’t have time for everyone…and if relationship is the last thing on your mind. It’s OK, we understand because ​you need time to get better.

This place reminds me of Ruth…after she lost her husband, her livelihood, her companion, her neatly arranged, beautiful life. But she allowed light and wholesome words (advice from a seasoned mentor, Naomi to guide her through her nightmare. ​This might sound crazy but it is at this place of rebuilding, retooling, repairing and refreshing one’s spirit, soul and body that many find what they are looking for…the place of healing becomes the place of recovery and restoration.  Isn’t that amazing that where one chooses to focus on being right is where one finds the right one? It’s true…

The second category: POISED OR RESTLESS

There are those that are truly ready financially, physically, psychologically but haven’t found the right one or haven’t been found yet. Often the folks in this category are either poised and confidently waiting or searching for the right one or fidgeting and worried about the future. These folks have a clear picture of what and who they want or need. It’s so clear…they can ‘see’ it. This group is poised and simply waiting for the right opportunity.

Yet, there are others that have these similar attributes but are restless and borderline paranoid. They are the folks who oscillate between the two extremes – some days are much better than the rest.  They are often, conflicted and irritated with intense mood swings. They know their behaviour and actions do not make sense and also understand that their ‘back and forth’ is actually antagonistic to their long term goals but are unable to do something about it. They have those ‘kind-of’ days where the memories of the ‘EX’ blur the focus and perspective of the ‘NEXT’. Days when the past torments them more than the future excite them.  Days so dark, you can grab the darkness.

Enough with the madness!

Stop already. It’s time to step away from that craziness and let some light in. Stop comparing yourself with your peers. Filter out the noise, especially negative noise. Forget the past. Release yourself from your ‘ex’ and focus on what’s next. Encourage yourself. Stop doubting yourself. Remind yourself

If Ruth (a widower) eventually found love then why won’t you? Why not you? Give me your reasons, watch me smash them as I ask you to embrace the possibilities of what will happen if you believe right and not what might happen.

Live your life

The third category: TRAVELLER

These are the folks that are “Ready and Available” and on a journey. The folks in this category are experiencing the realities of a relationship and in some case looking forward to what’s ahead.  Some are stuck and conflicted but are reluctantly going along for the ride. If you fall into the first category, focus on building, nurturing and growing your relationship. Guard against complacency and watch out for love killers by focusing on the little things that matter. To those on a journey but you still feel the void within your soul. It’s time to be honest and face the truth.

Ask yourself questions – those hard questions you’ve been avoiding such as:

  1. Are you really happy?
  2. Does this relationship have a future?
  3. How does the relationship and your boy/girlfriend compliment you?
  4. Lastly, ask if this relationship has an eternity focus?

Remember, the relationships are not really destinations in themselves but part of the process and really a journey. Make sure you know where you are going and that you’ve chosen the right individual as your companion. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a “hell-on-earth” experience whereas you’ve been destined for heaven on earth.

It’s your choice, so choose wisely.

NB: Don’t forget to share this article with a friend that needs it. Pass the message on.

Image Sources: LoveQuotesImages

7 Quotes on LIFE

7Quotes on Life

  1. “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” -Albert Einstein
  2. “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” -John F. Kennedy
  3. “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Helen Keller
  4. “Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.” -Richard L. Evans
  5. “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” -Scott Hamilton
  6. “Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.” -Richard L. Evans
  7. “If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.” -William J. Clinton


[New Book] 127Questions, Singles Must Ask Their Future Spouse

127 Questions To Ask











My new book, #127Questions is now available for pre-order. Regardless of the statistics and growing apathy towards marriage with ‘rising’ divorce rates and dissatisfaction scores, marriage remains one of the greatest institution ordained.

  1. It’s time to double check, revise  and improve the preparation process.
  2. It’s time to enhance the conversations pre and post marriage.
  3. It’s time to address the imbalance of focus and emphasis placed on the wedding day versus the actual institution, marriage.

#127Questions highlights these critical issues by itemizing the proper questions singles contemplating and preparing for marriage should ask their future spouse.

Proper preparation does prevent poor performance and I am confident #127Questions will benefit the readers. Now available for pre-order on Amazon, get yours today & many thanks for your unending support and love.

Click here:  #127Questions


Love, Do Good, Succeed Anyway – The Paradoxical Commandments

people are illogicalPeople are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

ParadoxicalCommandmentsPeople favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Am I settling, when I settle down?

There is a tension between settling and settling down!

“…some women in their twenties leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality.”

 – Kristine Huntley’s review on Lori Gottlieb’s book, “Marry Him, The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough”.

Every single ought to know these truths: 

  • There is a difference between settling and settling down.
  • There are no perfect human beings, hence no perfect relationships, spouses, marriages (don’t let the social media posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram rile you up.
  • All successful relationships embrace to some degree the notion of settling within settling down.
  • And, yes…there is a real struggle to be won between “SETTLING” and “SETTLING DOWN”.

Natural Inclination – FEAR OF SETTLING:
We are so afraid of settling!
Yet, most of us will eventually have to settle to settle down at some point, so we must apply great care to ensure the concept of settling down is not destroyed because we all settle.

  • I am concerned by people blinded by this fear who continue to block and prevent great relationships from developing and in some cases have inadvertently destroyed ‘wonderful’ opportunities.
  • I am concerned by some’s inability to separate fantasy from reality.
  • I am concerned that the pragmatic approach needed in some relationships have been renamed.
  • I am concerned by the heartaches, loneliness, disappointments, regrets and failed relationships.
Let’s Talk:
  1. I don’t want you living in fear of settling.
  2. I want to let you know that ALL relationships start and thrive by the delicate balance between  the pragmatic desire of “SETTLING DOWN” with the notion of “SETTLING”. In order words, most great relationships and marriages go through the process of ‘SETTLING’ to arrive at “SETTLING DOWN”.
  3. Isn’t it time to carefully appropriate these hugely popular quotes and clichés as some of them especially on “SETTLING” need to be understood and applied within the right context(s). Consider this popular quote:


I do however agree with the next two images (message) though:


What is important is ensuring that when we settle, we do so correctly and for the right reasons. As a side note, I am reminded that when one falls in love with someone, accepting their shortcomings does not feel like settling. Isn’t that the truth?

So are you settling when you settle down? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Settle Down

I want to hear from you, let know your thoughts, do you agree or disagree?

Resources (articles & more to consider): 

  1. Why I think those who settle will eventually cheat –http://madamenoire.com/216077/the-danger-of-marrying-for-practical-purposes-why-i-think-those-who-settle-are-potential-cheaters/ 
  2. 4 Reasons not to settle




  • Listen to “Stop Making EXCUSES


Remember #RelationshipMatters!

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is the founder of RelationshipMatters & HybridLeaders.  He is married with kids and passionate about Leadership, Singles, Relationships and helping people maximize their life & relationships. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events locally and internationally.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

What Love is…

What Love Is

“Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy.
Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words ‘for ever.’ But love can only truly be measured by actions.

It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don’t like doing it.” – Marian Keyes

Indeed, Love could be a combination of all the actions listed, or some or simply one.

[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

BirdCan we be honest? Everyone’s looking for a perfect relationship yet no one is willing to work hard for it.

A vibrant loving relationship is indeed challenging mentally and physically but the feedback from those who put in the hard work and pay the price is encouraging, because they all confirmed the great success that follows the efforts. In their words, the rewards are well worth it! So don’t ‘cop’ out, put in the work necessary.

In the same spirit of being honest, there is no doubt that we all struggle with romance but personally I am finding that the key is in initiating, taking small steps, being consistent and never becoming complacent or insensitive. Some of the insights (tips) I hold dear till date came from David & Anne Frahm’s book, titled “How To Make Love With Your Clothes On” below:

  • The firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise
  • Little things mean the world to women”
  • Catching a woman off guard ‘now and then adds drama to a marriage, that most women crave.

Listed below are 10 ways to make love with your clothes on and I want to dare you to try them out, the results will surprise you.


  1. Leave a ‘provocative’ message for your spouse on the answering machine
  2. Open the car door for her, both getting in and getting out
  3. Call her during the day just to tell her you love her and that you’ve been thinking about her
  4. At an unsuspecting moment, sweep her into your arms and tell her that she’s your best friend
  5. Ask her opinion on an important decision you’ve got to make
  6. Pray with her over her concerns
  7. Compliment her on her appearance
  8. Tape a note to the bathroom scale that says “Just Right”
  9. Surprise her with flowers because it’s true that “Flowers like women, bring beauty into the world and they belong together”
  10. Make time to talk and listen

I will love to hear from you the ones that worked for you as well as others you are trying out or have tried or heard of. In addition, do you need help in your relationship(s), marriage or life? Remember, you are not alone, help is available. Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is a preacher, speaker and author. A husband and father with a passion for reviving and empowering the next generation. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events nationally on Leadership and Relationship Mattters.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE