Love, Do Good, Succeed Anyway – The Paradoxical Commandments

people are illogicalPeople are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

ParadoxicalCommandmentsPeople favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Love, Do Good, Succeed Anyway – The Paradoxical Commandments

Am I settling, when I settle down?

There is a tension between settling and settling down!

“…some women in their twenties leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality.”

 – Kristine Huntley’s review on Lori Gottlieb’s book, “Marry Him, The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough”.

Every single ought to know these truths: 

  • There is a difference between settling and settling down.
  • There are no perfect human beings, hence no perfect relationships, spouses, marriages (don’t let the social media posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram rile you up.
  • All successful relationships embrace to some degree the notion of settling within settling down.
  • And, yes…there is a real struggle to be won between “SETTLING” and “SETTLING DOWN”.

Natural Inclination – FEAR OF SETTLING:
We are so afraid of settling!
Yet, most of us will eventually have to settle to settle down at some point, so we must apply great care to ensure the concept of settling down is not destroyed because we all settle.

  • I am concerned by people blinded by this fear who continue to block and prevent great relationships from developing and in some cases have inadvertently destroyed ‘wonderful’ opportunities.
  • I am concerned by some’s inability to separate fantasy from reality.
  • I am concerned that the pragmatic approach needed in some relationships have been renamed.
  • I am concerned by the heartaches, loneliness, disappointments, regrets and failed relationships.
Let’s Talk:
  1. I don’t want you living in fear of settling.
  2. I want to let you know that ALL relationships start and thrive by the delicate balance between  the pragmatic desire of “SETTLING DOWN” with the notion of “SETTLING”. In order words, most great relationships and marriages go through the process of ‘SETTLING’ to arrive at “SETTLING DOWN”.
  3. Isn’t it time to carefully appropriate these hugely popular quotes and clichés as some of them especially on “SETTLING” need to be understood and applied within the right context(s). Consider this popular quote:

REALLY? NEVER SETTLE?? I disagree!

I do however agree with the next two images (message) though:

settle

What is important is ensuring that when we settle, we do so correctly and for the right reasons. As a side note, I am reminded that when one falls in love with someone, accepting their shortcomings does not feel like settling. Isn’t that the truth?

So are you settling when you settle down? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Settle Down

I want to hear from you, let know your thoughts, do you agree or disagree?

Resources (articles & more to consider): 

  1. Why I think those who settle will eventually cheat -http://madamenoire.com/216077/the-danger-of-marrying-for-practical-purposes-why-i-think-those-who-settle-are-potential-cheaters/ 
  2. 4 Reasons not to settle
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201404/4-reasons-not-settle-in-relationship

 

 

 

  • Listen to “Stop Making EXCUSES

 

Remember #RelationshipMatters!

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is the founder of RelationshipMatters & HybridLeaders.  He is married with kids and passionate about Leadership, Singles, Relationships and helping people maximize their life & relationships. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events locally and internationally.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

Am I settling, when I settle down?

What Love is…

What Love Is

“Some think love can be measured by the amount of butterflies in their tummy.
Others think love can be measured in bunches of flowers, or by using the words ‘for ever.’ But love can only truly be measured by actions.

It can be a small thing, such as peeling an orange for a person you love because you know they don’t like doing it.” – Marian Keyes

Indeed, Love could be a combination of all the actions listed, or some or simply one.

What Love is…

[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

BirdCan we be honest? Everyone’s looking for a perfect relationship yet no one is willing to work hard for it.

A vibrant loving relationship is indeed challenging mentally and physically but the feedback from those who put in the hard work and pay the price is encouraging, because they all confirmed the great success that follows the efforts. In their words, the rewards are well worth it! So don’t ‘cop’ out, put in the work necessary.

In the same spirit of being honest, there is no doubt that we all struggle with romance but personally I am finding that the key is in initiating, taking small steps, being consistent and never becoming complacent or insensitive. Some of the insights (tips) I hold dear till date came from David & Anne Frahm’s book, titled “How To Make Love With Your Clothes On” below:

  • The firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise
  • Little things mean the world to women”
  • Catching a woman off guard ‘now and then adds drama to a marriage, that most women crave.

Listed below are 10 ways to make love with your clothes on and I want to dare you to try them out, the results will surprise you.

Hugs-and-Kiss-Free

  1. Leave a ‘provocative’ message for your spouse on the answering machine
  2. Open the car door for her, both getting in and getting out
  3. Call her during the day just to tell her you love her and that you’ve been thinking about her
  4. At an unsuspecting moment, sweep her into your arms and tell her that she’s your best friend
  5. Ask her opinion on an important decision you’ve got to make
  6. Pray with her over her concerns
  7. Compliment her on her appearance
  8. Tape a note to the bathroom scale that says “Just Right”
  9. Surprise her with flowers because it’s true that “Flowers like women, bring beauty into the world and they belong together”
  10. Make time to talk and listen

I will love to hear from you the ones that worked for you as well as others you are trying out or have tried or heard of. In addition, do you need help in your relationship(s), marriage or life? Remember, you are not alone, help is available. Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is a preacher, speaker and author. A husband and father with a passion for reviving and empowering the next generation. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events nationally on Leadership and Relationship Mattters.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

[New Post] 25 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas #Tips

25+ Valentine Gift IdeasValentine’s Day is a few days away and the buildup continues…listed below are some gift ideas ranging from the simple to slightly moderate and a few moderate to hard ones. I hope the list stirs your creativity as you celebrate the one(s) you love.

 Easy-Moderate Effort

  1. Cake or Cookies
  2. Candies
  3. Books – Audio, E-Book or Print
  4. Scented or Unscented Candles
  5. Chocolates
  6. Flowers – Roses
  7. Perfumes
  8. Valentine’s Cards
  9. Gadgets
  10. Tools & Kitchen Utensils
  11. Gym Subscriptions
  12. Spa Treatments
  13. Clothing, Shirts, Briefs & Intimates
  14. Jewelry
  15. Cooking Books, Apps and Books
  16. Movie Tickets
  17. DVDs
  18. Donate to Charity in someone’s name

Valentine'sDay

 

 

 

 

 

Moderate-Hard Effort

  1. Create a “Breakfast in Bed” package
  2. Create a personalized card
  3. Cook ‘Dinner’ for 2
  4. Collate his/her favorite music songs – a Valentine’s Day Collections
  5. Bake Cake or Cookies
  6. Give “Time” Gift Cards – in 1, 5, 10, 24 Hours
  7. Volunteer at a local charity event

Oh by the way, a personal recommendation, my book, “Relationships Do Matter”

Relationships-Do-Matter EBook(on Amazon for $2.99), is filled with simple, practical and relevant relationship insights on building and maximizing relationships aimed directly at Singles and indirectly at Couples promises to be a nice Valentine’s Day addition. It is filled with memorable snippets that will inspire, instruct, challenge and provoke you to elevate your relationship IQ. Available on Amazon, get your copy here:  Relationships Do Matter

 

More Tips:

http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/mrtech/34_tech_gadgets.html
http://www.gifts.com/ideas/valentines-day
http://www.rd.com/slideshows/cheap-valentines-day-gifts/

 

 FREE Gift to my readers on Valentine’s Day: Click Here To Get Yours

[New Post] 25 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas #Tips

[NewPost] My Favorite Love #Quotes

  1. Love-Hearts-Valentines-Day“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” – Ann Landers 
  2. “Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr. #RelationshipMatters 
  3. “The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman we love.” – Jean de la Bruyere #RelationshipMatters 
  4. “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.” – Honore de Balzac #RelationshipMatters 
  5. “Love has no age, no limit; and no death.” – John Galsworthy #RelationshipMatters 
  6. “Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” – Henry Van Dyke #RelationshipMatters
  7. “Love is a game that two can play and both win.” – Eva Gabor #RelationshipMatters 
  8. “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James A. Baldwin #RelationshipMatters 
  9. “Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.” – Ray Stannard Baker #RelationshipMatters 
  10. “We can only learn to love by loving.” – Iris Murdoch #RelationshipMatters 
  11. “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” –  Mother Teresa #RelationshipMatters 
  12. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” – Jesus Christ 
  13. “There is a woman at the begining of all great things.” – Alphonse de Lamartine #RelationshipMatters 
  14. “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” – Brendan Behan #RelationshipMatters 
  15. Valentine'sDay“Love is blind.” – Geoffrey Chaucer #RelationshipMatters 
  16. “The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare #RelationshipMatters 
  17. “You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.” – Anatole France #RelationshipMatters 
  18. “In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are, and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free.” – Maya Angelou #RelationshipMatters 
  19. Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love. – Leo Buscaglia #RelationshipMatters 
  20. “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery #RelationshipMatters 
  21. “The hunger for #love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” – Mother Teresa #RelationshipMatters 
  22. “We need 4 hugs a day for #survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for #growth” – Virginia Satir #RelationshipMatters #Love 
  23. “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Robert Frost  #RelationshipMatters 

Which one of these struck you the most? Share your favorite in the comments below.

[NewPost] My Favorite Love #Quotes

Married and Dating – Jarrid Wilson

An intriguing write up by Jarrid Wilson. Please read his story before you form an opinion. First of, the definition of dating…

“Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed.”

Why don’t you read the entire story? dating, while married

Status

Alone in the City 3

It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.
-Flo

Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.

Go with my gut?

A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.

I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.

On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.

So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.

“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”

But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.

He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?

Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.

Stay connected with RDM-
Follow RDM Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like RDM on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014

Alone in the City 3

“SIZZLING HOT” MARRIAGE – A perfect valentine’s day gift for married couples.

HOT MARRIAGE or HOT MONOGAMY sounds like an oxymoron and often we allude HOT to only a DATE, A PERSON or an AFFAIR.

There is a place for a HOT MARRIAGE.

I have been married for more than 15 years and honestly the novelty of a bouquet of roses, candies or perfumes as an ideal valentine’s day gift has worn off. I have to be more creative than that, it does help that my spouse doesn’t really rank those items as critical must haves anymore so that helps but guys if your spouse considers those as must haves, the smart play is to get one or all in addition with this special gift I am recommending.

For us, with the parental responsibilities, work, career, ministry work we are involved in, creating legacy comes to mind as the ultimate focus and being in the same ‘space’ carries more credence than presents. So for us, moving from PRESENTS to PRESENCE is logical. Or like I love to say in my coaching work, the right play for us is moving from being ‘everywhere’ a generalist to being ‘in the moment’.

It’s about enjoying the moments, the jokes, making mistakes and enjoy the process of correction, change and growth. Before you run off thinking how easy this sounds let me summarize common themes from our marriage that I know is applicable to almost all marriages.

Here are some facts we can all agree on –

  1. Marriage is hard and tedious work.
  2. Marriage is not for the immature.
  3. Marriage demands focus and grit.
  4. Marriage works best when both parties are committed to the same goals.
  5. Marriage is God’s idea and it’s marvelous, special and glorious. In addition, it will require God’s grace and power as well.
  6. Marriage demands faithfulness, selflessness and the ability to handle boredom and routine.

If I may, let me encourage all the married readers to consider giving your spouses the gift of a SIZZLING HOT MARRIAGE.

So here are some pointers from Kristen Welch @WeareTHATfamily from her article, “Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood and Monotony”. She mentioned how habits take some time to develop and often times require 21 days or more. Try the following six habits for the next month and see what happens she dares. Why don’t we take this dare on?

Daily Habits:

  • Touch everyday: Make a conscious effort to grab his hand, run your hands through her hair, kiss for a couple of seconds. Set a goal to physically touch his arm when you’re talking, tackle him in a hug in your closet, pat her butt on the way out the door.
  • Be good forgivers: Perhaps the most crucial key is forgiveness. Listen, marriage is the union of two people prone to mistakes and sin. You can’t control your spouse, but you can forgive. Refuse to pick them apart, turn molehills into mountains and wave the banner of unforgiveness.
  • Make the little things big: The other day, my husband gave me a card and a new wallet, just because. It was a small thing, but it made a big impression. I knew he was thinking about me when we were apart. Connecting with your spouse in small ways that makes them feel loved is a big deal.
  • Fill our minds with thoughts of each other:  Let’s be honest, we live in a world where it’s easy to fill up our tank with outside influences. From the pretty girl in the office or in the magazine to the romantic, handsome guy in the novel we’re reading or movie we’re watching, there are many ways to get satisfaction outside of our spouse. Lust is ignited with a second look. But when we only let our mate fill up our tank, we are on the path to a marriage that is not only white hot, but holy.
  • Go to bed at the same time: While this might not be possible every night, this habit is important because it is a quiet time to connect. Texting and chatting on the phone are a good substitute if you have to be a part. Nearly missing each other constantly brings a chaos to your home that isn’t healthy for your marriage or family.
  • Compliment each other:  This might sound like a no-brainer, but 500 people can like my new hair cut and none of the compliments mean as much as his. Seeing him look at me — really look and watch attraction ignite in his eyes is amazing. We were shopping the other day and I casually pointed out the green t-shirt on sale and said, “That would look good on you.” My daughter tried to convince him to get the red one and I overheard him tell her, “No, mom likes the green.” Your influence over your spouse is powerful, use it to bless them.

Kristen honestly declared that they get it right some days and miss the mark other days. But we never give up. Click to read her entire article on HuffPost

So married couples let this Valentine’s Day be one where focus is placed on the legacy of your union, the sanctity of your marriage and the beautiful yet undiscovered fun and joy in your homes.

We are going to give it a go as well…I’ll remind you weekly for the next 3-4 weeks. Do it! You can do it.

-Flo
@holyflo
www.relationshipsdomatter.com

“SIZZLING HOT” MARRIAGE – A perfect valentine’s day gift for married couples.