Are you ready and available?
Relationships are complex and broad brush strokes. When applied to extremely complex situations is unfair, unimaginative and rarely helpful. There is a reason why many clichés and opinions do not help many people. Conversely, often times we complicate simple things by over-thinking or over-analyzing due to ignorance or limited information. I know this much is true; it is very easy to generalize and be dismissive in the same breadth when we discuss relationships. For example, when we say are you ready and available, what comes to mind? What do you think?
There are three possible outcomes when you are “Ready and Available”.
The first category: BRUISED AND BATTERED
There are those that have ventured out but have been burned significantly or emotionally battered:
You were once ready and available
You gave love a chance
Trusted him or her and eventually got burned (either got played, cheated on, left behind, treated badly etc)
Long story short, you are now in a bad place…
- Confused and frustrated
- Timid and unsure
- Perhaps equally upsetting is the fact that no one cares or understands. To that I can relate because I understand.
You are stuck between a hard place and a rock.
That’s no permanent place to be.It is an OK place to be but only for a short while.
First of all, you are going to need to heal.
You have to get back to 100% because where you are is surreal.It’s a dark place and perhaps comfortable but we need to get some light into that place, “your space”.
Light brings some clarity, illumination, fresh breath, new hope, new word, new possibilities. With light comes the strength to rebuild, retool, repair and refresh. Light allows you to get back to the place where you love yourself unconditionally.The place where you are okay with being yourself.
That place of serenity and calmness. Honestly, it makes sense if you don’t have time for everyone…and if relationship is the last thing on your mind. It’s OK, we understand because you need time to get better.
This place reminds me of Ruth…after she lost her husband, her livelihood, her companion, her neatly arranged, beautiful life. But she allowed light and wholesome words (advice from a seasoned mentor, Naomi to guide her through her nightmare. This might sound crazy but it is at this place of rebuilding, retooling, repairing and refreshing one’s spirit, soul and body that many find what they are looking for…the place of healing becomes the place of recovery and restoration. Isn’t that amazing that where one chooses to focus on being right is where one finds the right one? It’s true…
The second category: POISED OR RESTLESS
There are those that are truly ready financially, physically, psychologically but haven’t found the right one or haven’t been found yet. Often the folks in this category are either poised and confidently waiting or searching for the right one or fidgeting and worried about the future. These folks have a clear picture of what and who they want or need. It’s so clear…they can ‘see’ it. This group is poised and simply waiting for the right opportunity.
Yet, there are others that have these similar attributes but are restless and borderline paranoid. They are the folks who oscillate between the two extremes – some days are much better than the rest. They are often, conflicted and irritated with intense mood swings. They know their behaviour and actions do not make sense and also understand that their ‘back and forth’ is actually antagonistic to their long term goals but are unable to do something about it. They have those ‘kind-of’ days where the memories of the ‘EX’ blur the focus and perspective of the ‘NEXT’. Days when the past torments them more than the future excite them. Days so dark, you can grab the darkness.
Enough with the madness!
Stop already. It’s time to step away from that craziness and let some light in. Stop comparing yourself with your peers. Filter out the noise, especially negative noise. Forget the past. Release yourself from your ‘ex’ and focus on what’s next. Encourage yourself. Stop doubting yourself. Remind yourself
If Ruth (a widower) eventually found love then why won’t you? Why not you? Give me your reasons, watch me smash them as I ask you to embrace the possibilities of what will happen if you believe right and not what might happen.
The third category: TRAVELLER
These are the folks that are “Ready and Available” and on a journey. The folks in this category are experiencing the realities of a relationship and in some case looking forward to what’s ahead. Some are stuck and conflicted but are reluctantly going along for the ride. If you fall into the first category, focus on building, nurturing and growing your relationship. Guard against complacency and watch out for love killers by focusing on the little things that matter. To those on a journey but you still feel the void within your soul. It’s time to be honest and face the truth.
Ask yourself questions – those hard questions you’ve been avoiding such as:
- Are you really happy?
- Does this relationship have a future?
- How does the relationship and your boy/girlfriend compliment you?
- Lastly, ask if this relationship has an eternity focus?
Remember, the relationships are not really destinations in themselves but part of the process and really a journey. Make sure you know where you are going and that you’ve chosen the right individual as your companion. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a “hell-on-earth” experience whereas you’ve been destined for heaven on earth.
It’s your choice, so choose wisely.
NB: Don’t forget to share this article with a friend that needs it. Pass the message on.
Image Sources: LoveQuotesImages