Will Love Find You?


Are you ready and available?


Relationships are complex and broad brush strokes. ​When applied to extremely complex situations is unfair, unimaginative and rarely helpful. There is a reason why many clichés and opinions do not help many people. Conversely, often times we complicate simple ​things by over-thinking or over-analyzing due to ignorance or limited information. I know this much is true; it is very easy to generalize and be dismissive in the same breadth when we discuss relationships. For example, when we say are you ready and available, what comes to mind? What do you think?

​​There are three possible outcomes when you are “Ready and Available”.

The first category: BRUISED AND BATTERED

There are those that have ventured out but have been burned significantly or emotionally battered:

You were once ready and available
You gave love a chance
Trusted him or her and eventually got burned (either got played, cheated on, left behind, treated badly etc)
Long story short, you are now in a bad place…

  • Confused and frustrated
  • Timid and unsure
  • Perhaps equally upsetting is the fact that no one cares or understands. To that I can relate because ​​I understand.

You are stuck between a hard place and a rock.
That’s no permanent place to be.It is an OK place to be but only for a short while.

First of all, you are going to need to heal.
You have to get back to 100% because where you are is surreal.It’s a dark place and perhaps comfortable but we need to get some light into that place, “your space”.

Light brings some clarity, illumination, fresh breath, new hope, new word, new possibilities. ​With light comes the strength to rebuild, retool, repair and refresh. Light allows you to get back to the place where you love yourself unconditionally.​The place where you are okay with being yourself.

That place of serenity and calmness. Honestly, it makes sense if you don’t have time for everyone…and if relationship is the last thing on your mind. It’s OK, we understand because ​you need time to get better.

This place reminds me of Ruth…after she lost her husband, her livelihood, her companion, her neatly arranged, beautiful life. But she allowed light and wholesome words (advice from a seasoned mentor, Naomi to guide her through her nightmare. ​This might sound crazy but it is at this place of rebuilding, retooling, repairing and refreshing one’s spirit, soul and body that many find what they are looking for…the place of healing becomes the place of recovery and restoration.  Isn’t that amazing that where one chooses to focus on being right is where one finds the right one? It’s true…

The second category: POISED OR RESTLESS

There are those that are truly ready financially, physically, psychologically but haven’t found the right one or haven’t been found yet. Often the folks in this category are either poised and confidently waiting or searching for the right one or fidgeting and worried about the future. These folks have a clear picture of what and who they want or need. It’s so clear…they can ‘see’ it. This group is poised and simply waiting for the right opportunity.

Yet, there are others that have these similar attributes but are restless and borderline paranoid. They are the folks who oscillate between the two extremes – some days are much better than the rest.  They are often, conflicted and irritated with intense mood swings. They know their behaviour and actions do not make sense and also understand that their ‘back and forth’ is actually antagonistic to their long term goals but are unable to do something about it. They have those ‘kind-of’ days where the memories of the ‘EX’ blur the focus and perspective of the ‘NEXT’. Days when the past torments them more than the future excite them.  Days so dark, you can grab the darkness.

Enough with the madness!

Stop already. It’s time to step away from that craziness and let some light in. Stop comparing yourself with your peers. Filter out the noise, especially negative noise. Forget the past. Release yourself from your ‘ex’ and focus on what’s next. Encourage yourself. Stop doubting yourself. Remind yourself

If Ruth (a widower) eventually found love then why won’t you? Why not you? Give me your reasons, watch me smash them as I ask you to embrace the possibilities of what will happen if you believe right and not what might happen.

Live your life

The third category: TRAVELLER

These are the folks that are “Ready and Available” and on a journey. The folks in this category are experiencing the realities of a relationship and in some case looking forward to what’s ahead.  Some are stuck and conflicted but are reluctantly going along for the ride. If you fall into the first category, focus on building, nurturing and growing your relationship. Guard against complacency and watch out for love killers by focusing on the little things that matter. To those on a journey but you still feel the void within your soul. It’s time to be honest and face the truth.

Ask yourself questions – those hard questions you’ve been avoiding such as:

  1. Are you really happy?
  2. Does this relationship have a future?
  3. How does the relationship and your boy/girlfriend compliment you?
  4. Lastly, ask if this relationship has an eternity focus?

Remember, the relationships are not really destinations in themselves but part of the process and really a journey. Make sure you know where you are going and that you’ve chosen the right individual as your companion. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a “hell-on-earth” experience whereas you’ve been destined for heaven on earth.

It’s your choice, so choose wisely.

NB: Don’t forget to share this article with a friend that needs it. Pass the message on.

Image Sources: LoveQuotesImages

[Now Available] 127 Questions Every Single Should Ask

Marriage is hard work.
Probably the most challenging and at the same time the most fulfilling human institution as well.

127 Questions To Ask

For the record, the seemingly  increased failure doesn’t obscure the beauty and grand design of marriage rather it challenges us to question all assumptions, prepare adequately and work harder.

This new book is an ideal resource for those considering this noble institution, designed as a quick read, a ‘go-to’ browse-on-the-go resource on questions for singles, engaged and newly married couples.

The questions in the book cover critical components to consider before marriage such as the past, sex, communication, culture and money matters to mention a few.

Through personal experience and research on marital bliss, the author, Flo Falayi highlights the questions to ask during courtship and well into marriage. These questions help eliminate assumptions, address potential compatibility issues, reduce marital tensions, disappointments and eradicate regrets.

This is a MUST-READ book, get yours now on Amazon.com, click here: http://www.amazon.com/kindle/dp/B00V3PSX9G/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_eos_detail

Thank you & God bless.

[New Book] 127Questions, Singles Must Ask Their Future Spouse

127 Questions To Ask











My new book, #127Questions is now available for pre-order. Regardless of the statistics and growing apathy towards marriage with ‘rising’ divorce rates and dissatisfaction scores, marriage remains one of the greatest institution ordained.

  1. It’s time to double check, revise  and improve the preparation process.
  2. It’s time to enhance the conversations pre and post marriage.
  3. It’s time to address the imbalance of focus and emphasis placed on the wedding day versus the actual institution, marriage.

#127Questions highlights these critical issues by itemizing the proper questions singles contemplating and preparing for marriage should ask their future spouse.

Proper preparation does prevent poor performance and I am confident #127Questions will benefit the readers. Now available for pre-order on Amazon, get yours today & many thanks for your unending support and love.

Click here:  #127Questions


[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

BirdCan we be honest? Everyone’s looking for a perfect relationship yet no one is willing to work hard for it.

A vibrant loving relationship is indeed challenging mentally and physically but the feedback from those who put in the hard work and pay the price is encouraging, because they all confirmed the great success that follows the efforts. In their words, the rewards are well worth it! So don’t ‘cop’ out, put in the work necessary.

In the same spirit of being honest, there is no doubt that we all struggle with romance but personally I am finding that the key is in initiating, taking small steps, being consistent and never becoming complacent or insensitive. Some of the insights (tips) I hold dear till date came from David & Anne Frahm’s book, titled “How To Make Love With Your Clothes On” below:

  • The firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise
  • Little things mean the world to women”
  • Catching a woman off guard ‘now and then adds drama to a marriage, that most women crave.

Listed below are 10 ways to make love with your clothes on and I want to dare you to try them out, the results will surprise you.


  1. Leave a ‘provocative’ message for your spouse on the answering machine
  2. Open the car door for her, both getting in and getting out
  3. Call her during the day just to tell her you love her and that you’ve been thinking about her
  4. At an unsuspecting moment, sweep her into your arms and tell her that she’s your best friend
  5. Ask her opinion on an important decision you’ve got to make
  6. Pray with her over her concerns
  7. Compliment her on her appearance
  8. Tape a note to the bathroom scale that says “Just Right”
  9. Surprise her with flowers because it’s true that “Flowers like women, bring beauty into the world and they belong together”
  10. Make time to talk and listen

I will love to hear from you the ones that worked for you as well as others you are trying out or have tried or heard of. In addition, do you need help in your relationship(s), marriage or life? Remember, you are not alone, help is available. Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is a preacher, speaker and author. A husband and father with a passion for reviving and empowering the next generation. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events nationally on Leadership and Relationship Mattters.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

What’s the ideal age to be married? #Poll

At what age would you like to get married ? (Ideal age)

#AskMe #RDMPoll

[New Post] 25 Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas #Tips

25+ Valentine Gift IdeasValentine’s Day is a few days away and the buildup continues…listed below are some gift ideas ranging from the simple to slightly moderate and a few moderate to hard ones. I hope the list stirs your creativity as you celebrate the one(s) you love.

 Easy-Moderate Effort

  1. Cake or Cookies
  2. Candies
  3. Books – Audio, E-Book or Print
  4. Scented or Unscented Candles
  5. Chocolates
  6. Flowers – Roses
  7. Perfumes
  8. Valentine’s Cards
  9. Gadgets
  10. Tools & Kitchen Utensils
  11. Gym Subscriptions
  12. Spa Treatments
  13. Clothing, Shirts, Briefs & Intimates
  14. Jewelry
  15. Cooking Books, Apps and Books
  16. Movie Tickets
  17. DVDs
  18. Donate to Charity in someone’s name







Moderate-Hard Effort

  1. Create a “Breakfast in Bed” package
  2. Create a personalized card
  3. Cook ‘Dinner’ for 2
  4. Collate his/her favorite music songs – a Valentine’s Day Collections
  5. Bake Cake or Cookies
  6. Give “Time” Gift Cards – in 1, 5, 10, 24 Hours
  7. Volunteer at a local charity event

Oh by the way, a personal recommendation, my book, “Relationships Do Matter”

Relationships-Do-Matter EBook(on Amazon for $2.99), is filled with simple, practical and relevant relationship insights on building and maximizing relationships aimed directly at Singles and indirectly at Couples promises to be a nice Valentine’s Day addition. It is filled with memorable snippets that will inspire, instruct, challenge and provoke you to elevate your relationship IQ. Available on Amazon, get your copy here:  Relationships Do Matter


More Tips:



 FREE Gift to my readers on Valentine’s Day: Click Here To Get Yours

“SIZZLING HOT” MARRIAGE – A perfect valentine’s day gift for married couples.

HOT MARRIAGE or HOT MONOGAMY sounds like an oxymoron and often we allude HOT to only a DATE, A PERSON or an AFFAIR.

There is a place for a HOT MARRIAGE.

I have been married for more than 15 years and honestly the novelty of a bouquet of roses, candies or perfumes as an ideal valentine’s day gift has worn off. I have to be more creative than that, it does help that my spouse doesn’t really rank those items as critical must haves anymore so that helps but guys if your spouse considers those as must haves, the smart play is to get one or all in addition with this special gift I am recommending.

For us, with the parental responsibilities, work, career, ministry work we are involved in, creating legacy comes to mind as the ultimate focus and being in the same ‘space’ carries more credence than presents. So for us, moving from PRESENTS to PRESENCE is logical. Or like I love to say in my coaching work, the right play for us is moving from being ‘everywhere’ a generalist to being ‘in the moment’.

It’s about enjoying the moments, the jokes, making mistakes and enjoy the process of correction, change and growth. Before you run off thinking how easy this sounds let me summarize common themes from our marriage that I know is applicable to almost all marriages.

Here are some facts we can all agree on –

  1. Marriage is hard and tedious work.
  2. Marriage is not for the immature.
  3. Marriage demands focus and grit.
  4. Marriage works best when both parties are committed to the same goals.
  5. Marriage is God’s idea and it’s marvelous, special and glorious. In addition, it will require God’s grace and power as well.
  6. Marriage demands faithfulness, selflessness and the ability to handle boredom and routine.

If I may, let me encourage all the married readers to consider giving your spouses the gift of a SIZZLING HOT MARRIAGE.

So here are some pointers from Kristen Welch @WeareTHATfamily from her article, “Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood and Monotony”. She mentioned how habits take some time to develop and often times require 21 days or more. Try the following six habits for the next month and see what happens she dares. Why don’t we take this dare on?

Daily Habits:

  • Touch everyday: Make a conscious effort to grab his hand, run your hands through her hair, kiss for a couple of seconds. Set a goal to physically touch his arm when you’re talking, tackle him in a hug in your closet, pat her butt on the way out the door.
  • Be good forgivers: Perhaps the most crucial key is forgiveness. Listen, marriage is the union of two people prone to mistakes and sin. You can’t control your spouse, but you can forgive. Refuse to pick them apart, turn molehills into mountains and wave the banner of unforgiveness.
  • Make the little things big: The other day, my husband gave me a card and a new wallet, just because. It was a small thing, but it made a big impression. I knew he was thinking about me when we were apart. Connecting with your spouse in small ways that makes them feel loved is a big deal.
  • Fill our minds with thoughts of each other:  Let’s be honest, we live in a world where it’s easy to fill up our tank with outside influences. From the pretty girl in the office or in the magazine to the romantic, handsome guy in the novel we’re reading or movie we’re watching, there are many ways to get satisfaction outside of our spouse. Lust is ignited with a second look. But when we only let our mate fill up our tank, we are on the path to a marriage that is not only white hot, but holy.
  • Go to bed at the same time: While this might not be possible every night, this habit is important because it is a quiet time to connect. Texting and chatting on the phone are a good substitute if you have to be a part. Nearly missing each other constantly brings a chaos to your home that isn’t healthy for your marriage or family.
  • Compliment each other:  This might sound like a no-brainer, but 500 people can like my new hair cut and none of the compliments mean as much as his. Seeing him look at me — really look and watch attraction ignite in his eyes is amazing. We were shopping the other day and I casually pointed out the green t-shirt on sale and said, “That would look good on you.” My daughter tried to convince him to get the red one and I overheard him tell her, “No, mom likes the green.” Your influence over your spouse is powerful, use it to bless them.

Kristen honestly declared that they get it right some days and miss the mark other days. But we never give up. Click to read her entire article on HuffPost

So married couples let this Valentine’s Day be one where focus is placed on the legacy of your union, the sanctity of your marriage and the beautiful yet undiscovered fun and joy in your homes.

We are going to give it a go as well…I’ll remind you weekly for the next 3-4 weeks. Do it! You can do it.



All that glitters isn’t gold! A popular adage that captures a myopic viewpoint on life and relationship matters. I have heard many similar painful stories, seen many heart breaks. This story is a stern reminder, so please look hard before you jump. Enjoy!

I met this couple a few years back. Sweet-looking things, if you ask me. I thought the wife, Tomi Feyiji, was the most beautiful thing created since Eve. I assume Eve must have been the epitome of female perfection. God wanted to impress Adam, right? Sola Feyiji fitted his wife. He was tall, milk-chocolate, muscular, and polished. The kind of man every woman wanted to take home to her parents. Well, former university queen, Tomi, took him home.

When I met them, they had been married for six years and had a lovely three-year old daughter. Suffice to say, Tomi looked like she’d never had a child. In our church at that time, the class thing was huge, and Sola and Tomi rocked the centre. Tomi was the elegant first lady of her husband’s world. She did nothing but spend her days looking good, and the nights gracing her millionaire husband’s arm at the most prestigious gatherings. Sola spent his life making more and more money as a software developer. People saw them as the couple made in heaven. I did too.

Until I was ‘privileged’ to become their house fellowship leader, a job I did for six hellish months. Sola and Tomi lived in a gated estate in Ikeja with their three-year old daughter, Temi, and eight uniformed staff. As the house fellowship pastor, I visited all my members in the neighborhood an hour before fellowship started, encouraging them to attend. The first few weeks after the centre opened proved to be difficult for me. Tomi was heavily pregnant and prone to crazy mood switches, even during the fellowship. On more than one occasion, I came to the house to find the couple in the middle of a heated argument. So heated, I asked the butler to turn members away. Why did they offer their house for cell fellowship when they knew they were like… this? When I complained to the house fellowship pastor, he explained the church needed the location to attract members from that exclusive estate. But what a mistake it turned out to be. House fellowship in the Feyijis’ house closed three months after Tomi delivered a bouncing baby boy. The family had been given a date for their boy’s coming to church. The day before, as the house fellowship leader, I went to visit. I knew an event planner was in charge of the party so I had no ‘help’ to render in preparation of the party the following day. But to fulfill all righteousness, I visited.

Something must have happened before I got there. When I arrived, the butler and was cowering somewhere, and wanted me to get to the couple and intervene. There was noise everywhere. I heard Tomi screaming, and breaking things. Sola cursed intermittently. I only took a moment to get incoherent details from the butler. Confused and angry, I ran into their bedroom, it wasn’t my first time there to settle a fight, and stopped short. I had never seen anything so crazy outside of Hollywood, and Nollywood.

Tomi had the baby dangling by one leg in her hand. A knife in her other hand. Sola was shouting at the top of his voice that he’d kill her if she harmed his son. The baby was screaming and sweating profusely, and Temi hugged her teddy, and cried at one corner of the room. I died several times. “Put the baby down, Sister Tomi, please. Put the knife down.” She screamed something I didn’t hear. And flung the baby in the direction of the husband. People told me I was fat. But that day, I proved the Yoruba saying: a body doesn’t get so huge the owner cannot lift it. I don’t know where the speed came from. I dove in front of Sola, who had ducked because he thought she threw the knife, and caught the baby before he hit the marble floor. No one died, thank God. But I hit my head on the floor, and the baby got away with a broken arm where part of my weight fell on him as I tried to shield him from the hard floor.

Need I say the party didn’t hold the following day? Who could have ever imagined this beautiful frame called Tomi was capable of such madness?

Click for more information: Sinmisola Ogúnyinka’s Books
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Twitter: @sinmisolaog

Image Licensed under the creative commons license, epSos.de as the original author.

“Alone in the City”

Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.

She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.

Her Introduction –

Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) –
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.

Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.

This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.

Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.

I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.

Connect with RDM, here:
Follow Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like us RDM on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)

Relationships Do Matter, 2014