Tag Archives: Men

Alone in the City 3

It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.
-Flo

Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.

Go with my gut?

A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.

I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.

On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.

So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.

“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”

But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.

He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?

Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.

Stay connected with RDM-
Follow RDM Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like RDM on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014

“SIZZLING HOT” MARRIAGE – A perfect valentine’s day gift for married couples.

HOT MARRIAGE or HOT MONOGAMY sounds like an oxymoron and often we allude HOT to only a DATE, A PERSON or an AFFAIR.

There is a place for a HOT MARRIAGE.

I have been married for more than 15 years and honestly the novelty of a bouquet of roses, candies or perfumes as an ideal valentine’s day gift has worn off. I have to be more creative than that, it does help that my spouse doesn’t really rank those items as critical must haves anymore so that helps but guys if your spouse considers those as must haves, the smart play is to get one or all in addition with this special gift I am recommending.

For us, with the parental responsibilities, work, career, ministry work we are involved in, creating legacy comes to mind as the ultimate focus and being in the same ‘space’ carries more credence than presents. So for us, moving from PRESENTS to PRESENCE is logical. Or like I love to say in my coaching work, the right play for us is moving from being ‘everywhere’ a generalist to being ‘in the moment’.

It’s about enjoying the moments, the jokes, making mistakes and enjoy the process of correction, change and growth. Before you run off thinking how easy this sounds let me summarize common themes from our marriage that I know is applicable to almost all marriages.

Here are some facts we can all agree on –

  1. Marriage is hard and tedious work.
  2. Marriage is not for the immature.
  3. Marriage demands focus and grit.
  4. Marriage works best when both parties are committed to the same goals.
  5. Marriage is God’s idea and it’s marvelous, special and glorious. In addition, it will require God’s grace and power as well.
  6. Marriage demands faithfulness, selflessness and the ability to handle boredom and routine.

If I may, let me encourage all the married readers to consider giving your spouses the gift of a SIZZLING HOT MARRIAGE.

So here are some pointers from Kristen Welch @WeareTHATfamily from her article, “Habits of a Hot Marriage in the Middle of Motherhood and Monotony”. She mentioned how habits take some time to develop and often times require 21 days or more. Try the following six habits for the next month and see what happens she dares. Why don’t we take this dare on?

Daily Habits:

  • Touch everyday: Make a conscious effort to grab his hand, run your hands through her hair, kiss for a couple of seconds. Set a goal to physically touch his arm when you’re talking, tackle him in a hug in your closet, pat her butt on the way out the door.
  • Be good forgivers: Perhaps the most crucial key is forgiveness. Listen, marriage is the union of two people prone to mistakes and sin. You can’t control your spouse, but you can forgive. Refuse to pick them apart, turn molehills into mountains and wave the banner of unforgiveness.
  • Make the little things big: The other day, my husband gave me a card and a new wallet, just because. It was a small thing, but it made a big impression. I knew he was thinking about me when we were apart. Connecting with your spouse in small ways that makes them feel loved is a big deal.
  • Fill our minds with thoughts of each other:  Let’s be honest, we live in a world where it’s easy to fill up our tank with outside influences. From the pretty girl in the office or in the magazine to the romantic, handsome guy in the novel we’re reading or movie we’re watching, there are many ways to get satisfaction outside of our spouse. Lust is ignited with a second look. But when we only let our mate fill up our tank, we are on the path to a marriage that is not only white hot, but holy.
  • Go to bed at the same time: While this might not be possible every night, this habit is important because it is a quiet time to connect. Texting and chatting on the phone are a good substitute if you have to be a part. Nearly missing each other constantly brings a chaos to your home that isn’t healthy for your marriage or family.
  • Compliment each other:  This might sound like a no-brainer, but 500 people can like my new hair cut and none of the compliments mean as much as his. Seeing him look at me — really look and watch attraction ignite in his eyes is amazing. We were shopping the other day and I casually pointed out the green t-shirt on sale and said, “That would look good on you.” My daughter tried to convince him to get the red one and I overheard him tell her, “No, mom likes the green.” Your influence over your spouse is powerful, use it to bless them.

Kristen honestly declared that they get it right some days and miss the mark other days. But we never give up. Click to read her entire article on HuffPost

So married couples let this Valentine’s Day be one where focus is placed on the legacy of your union, the sanctity of your marriage and the beautiful yet undiscovered fun and joy in your homes.

We are going to give it a go as well…I’ll remind you weekly for the next 3-4 weeks. Do it! You can do it.

-Flo
@holyflo
www.relationshipsdomatter.com

“THIS FRAME DIDN’T LOOK LIKE IT EITHER.” – Sinmisola Ogúnyinka

All that glitters isn’t gold! A popular adage that captures a myopic viewpoint on life and relationship matters. I have heard many similar painful stories, seen many heart breaks. This story is a stern reminder, so please look hard before you jump. Enjoy!

I met this couple a few years back. Sweet-looking things, if you ask me. I thought the wife, Tomi Feyiji, was the most beautiful thing created since Eve. I assume Eve must have been the epitome of female perfection. God wanted to impress Adam, right? Sola Feyiji fitted his wife. He was tall, milk-chocolate, muscular, and polished. The kind of man every woman wanted to take home to her parents. Well, former university queen, Tomi, took him home.

When I met them, they had been married for six years and had a lovely three-year old daughter. Suffice to say, Tomi looked like she’d never had a child. In our church at that time, the class thing was huge, and Sola and Tomi rocked the centre. Tomi was the elegant first lady of her husband’s world. She did nothing but spend her days looking good, and the nights gracing her millionaire husband’s arm at the most prestigious gatherings. Sola spent his life making more and more money as a software developer. People saw them as the couple made in heaven. I did too.

Until I was ‘privileged’ to become their house fellowship leader, a job I did for six hellish months. Sola and Tomi lived in a gated estate in Ikeja with their three-year old daughter, Temi, and eight uniformed staff. As the house fellowship pastor, I visited all my members in the neighborhood an hour before fellowship started, encouraging them to attend. The first few weeks after the centre opened proved to be difficult for me. Tomi was heavily pregnant and prone to crazy mood switches, even during the fellowship. On more than one occasion, I came to the house to find the couple in the middle of a heated argument. So heated, I asked the butler to turn members away. Why did they offer their house for cell fellowship when they knew they were like… this? When I complained to the house fellowship pastor, he explained the church needed the location to attract members from that exclusive estate. But what a mistake it turned out to be. House fellowship in the Feyijis’ house closed three months after Tomi delivered a bouncing baby boy. The family had been given a date for their boy’s coming to church. The day before, as the house fellowship leader, I went to visit. I knew an event planner was in charge of the party so I had no ‘help’ to render in preparation of the party the following day. But to fulfill all righteousness, I visited.

Something must have happened before I got there. When I arrived, the butler and was cowering somewhere, and wanted me to get to the couple and intervene. There was noise everywhere. I heard Tomi screaming, and breaking things. Sola cursed intermittently. I only took a moment to get incoherent details from the butler. Confused and angry, I ran into their bedroom, it wasn’t my first time there to settle a fight, and stopped short. I had never seen anything so crazy outside of Hollywood, and Nollywood.

Tomi had the baby dangling by one leg in her hand. A knife in her other hand. Sola was shouting at the top of his voice that he’d kill her if she harmed his son. The baby was screaming and sweating profusely, and Temi hugged her teddy, and cried at one corner of the room. I died several times. “Put the baby down, Sister Tomi, please. Put the knife down.” She screamed something I didn’t hear. And flung the baby in the direction of the husband. People told me I was fat. But that day, I proved the Yoruba saying: a body doesn’t get so huge the owner cannot lift it. I don’t know where the speed came from. I dove in front of Sola, who had ducked because he thought she threw the knife, and caught the baby before he hit the marble floor. No one died, thank God. But I hit my head on the floor, and the baby got away with a broken arm where part of my weight fell on him as I tried to shield him from the hard floor.

Need I say the party didn’t hold the following day? Who could have ever imagined this beautiful frame called Tomi was capable of such madness?

Click for more information: Sinmisola Ogúnyinka’s Books
Facebook: Sinmisola Ogunyinka’s Books
Twitter: @sinmisolaog

Image Licensed under the creative commons license, epSos.de as the original author.

Reason #1: Why you should attend The Single Life HANGOUT – Jan 11th, 2014

The landscape is changing…Here’s 1 reason why you should attend “The Single Life” HangOut on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
New Rules, New Realities, New Approach and NEW EXPECTATIONS. #relationships #singles 

Sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.com/myevent?eid=10054026865

#1: 87: stands for the number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States in 2012. 
Source: US Census

“I want to be SIX again.” – Joke

“Misunderstood Again”



A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop and the Wall of Fear–everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie – the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M & Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. The wife said, “You idiot, I meant my dress size!” The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he “might” still get it wrong. So make sure you understand what you hear.

Flowers

This is a wonderful story, author unknown but acknowledged.

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things That really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said, Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn’t our Anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like A nightmare, I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and Bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn’t mother’s day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other Times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What About money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today… I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my Funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I Had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers Today……..

Please share with your friends. It will open the eyes of men (brothers) who are abusing their wives and it will grant courage the ladies (sisters) who are experiencing abuse so that they may speak up and reach out for help and stop being delusional.

#Abuse is not normal.
Don’t forget- Relationships Do Matter.
pFlo

image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/203013895673553449/