Tag Archives: Romance

“Alone in the City”

Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.

She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.
@PstFlo

Her Introduction –

Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) -
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.

Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.

This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.

Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.

I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.

Connect with RDM, here:
Follow Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like us RDM on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)

Relationships Do Matter, 2014

“A Lady With A Past” – A Short Story

Image “Hi, I’m Genevieve…”

He twitched and for the first time in two years, I sincerely wished, prayed, begged God he didn’t recognize that name. I had grown accustomed to it, the twitches, cringes, and plain old look of disgust. Some just walk away. Others have the effrontery to question me.

“How could you?” “What did you plan to gain?” “You could have just shut your mouth.” “Deal with it, jor!” On and on and on. Those had not bothered me. Amazing that instead of getting bitter, I grew strong. Wasn’t that what the truth did, set you free? Whether the people who heard liked it or not.

“Dave…” We shook hands and he held on to mine. “Your name sounds awfully familiar. Did you live in Lagos four years ago?”
I smiled. Diplomacy. Sure I lived in Lagos till two years ago when the heat grew too much and I relocated to Port Harcourt where I had more friends and family than foes. Many had advised me to not move.

“People will think you are running away.”

Well I was. He who fights and runs lives to fight another day. I was fighting so many other days here, worshipping in a small church where they all accepted me despite my reputation or lack of it. My small sized business did well, and I could pay my bills. What more did the renowned Genevieve want in life?

Two years like yesterday.

“I lived in Lagos till two years ago.” He smiled. Oh, such gorgeous smile. “I know you then, by reputation.”
Blunt. “Or the lack of it.”

He smiled wider. “Pleased to meet you.”

He was cutting me a huge deal, might I add someone important to the future of my business. Of course, it had become a taboo for me to express any affection or emotions for a man. Knowing who I was, or am, or supposed to be. Another Monica Lewinsky. Another little fox that spoils great vines. Hmm. What did I not hear my name changed to? However, it is well. I smiled. “I’m glad.” I brought out my proposal.

He looked at it, and didn’t touch it. “Can we talk over dinner?” My mouth dropped open. Of course I didn’t need any endorsement. In fact after the scandal that set me free, despite the talk, I didn’t have interest in any male.

“This is business,” I said.

He frowned. “I know. But I’m more interested in the dinner.” He shrugged. “Please?”
“I’ve not done dinners in a while.”

“Then, please.”

I struggled. This wasn’t easy for me. I was attracted to him, something that had not happened in ages. He was a business contact, someone who had investment interests in my fashion business. But at the moment, I needed his attention, so I shrugged.

He chose the dinner location. We had a fun night. And he asked to see me again. To another dinner to talk business. Which didn’t happen again because he asked for another date.

I later learned there wasn’t meant to be any business talk. Someone had done this match-make. Someone had been tired of the hard life I subjected myself to. No socials. No relationships. I was almost a nun in the church.

My friend and sister had told him to meet me. They’d told me he was a businessman looking for investment in small businesses. Of course, they didn’t tell him my name. Or who I was. Just that the only reason I’d agree to meet him would be to discuss business. And he played along, a bachelor looking for a good woman to marry. I’d say my loved ones had a good sense of humor. I don’t know how many out there thought I was a good woman. Not that it mattered.

Courting Dave helped me to move on. Like most Christians who heard when the story of the silly girl and big celebrity pastor burst, Dave had shrugged and moved on. But meeting me, falling for me, loving me, and later marrying me taught us both many lessons.

God can indeed use anything, anyone, to confirm his truth. All God needs is a yielded vessel. If it’s the truth, God will sort the rest.

Click for more information: Sinmisola Ogúnyinka’s Books
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Is Valentine’s Day, OVER RATED ?

Romance is a challenge for many people and I think most men struggle with romance because of it’s inherent abstract nature. Well, considering most men are wired (subjective) to execute tackle tasks and activities with defined goals, it is not surprising then why we, men struggle.

As I travel conducting Relationship Matters Seminars and Singles’ events, I can wholeheartedly confirm this fact, Romance is a mystery, a topic that requires a teachable disposition. In order words, it is something one must learn, do, master and cultivate over and over again.

For more tips on Romance and other relationship insights, you absolutely need to get a copy of my new book, “Relationship Matters for Singles” that will be available next month – March 2012.

So we are about 48 hours removed from Valentine’s day, a day many expressed their love, affection to each other with gifts, candy, flowers and other gift items. In some circles, Valentine’s day is one of the most romantic days of the year.

Beyond Controversy:

My intention here is not to debate or recommend what people should do on Valentine’s day. I do however know that this day provides a perfect opportunity to show love without any reservation especially the redeeming love displayed by God in giving mankind is only begotten son, Jesus Christ.

History:
The history books are filled with numerous stories about the origin of Valentine’s Day. Coincidentally, Valentine’s day is named in honor of an early Christian martyr, a holiday that was established in 496 AD and became associated with romantic love in the Middle Ages. (Additional information about the origin including it’s pagan background can be reviewed further in detail online). By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, sweets, and greeting cards. Today, everyone including school children are involved in the heavily ‘commercialized’ holiday.

Current times:
Indeed, it is a day like no other; the agony, anticipation and associated pressure, of executing a flawless ‘event’ have left many fatigued and exhausted but I digress. Here are some surprising facts that really confirms how ‘big’ this day has become for some especially the retail industry.

  • The Greeting Card Association, an industry trade group, says 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine’s Day the second-most popular greeting-card giving occasion.
  • 65 percent of households send greeting cards on Valentine’s Day.
  • 73 percent of Valentine Day flowers are bought by men, while women buy 23 percent of Valentine flowers.
  • About 45.8 percent of U.S. consumers will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.
  • Even as the economy crumbles, today’s relatively tame Valentine’s Day celebration is expected to generate some $14.7 billion in retail sales in the United States.

A few weeks ago, I asked a simple question, ” Is Valentine’s Day Overrated on the Relationship Matters Page ? And by Over rated; I mean not as good as most people say it is, because it is “rated” higher than it deserves.

As you can probably imagine, the answers were intense, immediate, articulate and clear.
Here are some of the comments I got:

FOR

  • If it is wrong to celebrate Val’s day, we might as well just cancel birthdays etc. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in setting aside a day to celebrate love.”
  • Another stated, it is a day designed to remind everyone about their loved ones. A day of romance and spreading love.
  • Here’s another, “It’s all good as long as someone doesn’t go overboard and make me look bad!”
  • Unfortunately, someone stated people need this day as a reminder to appreciate their spouses/significant other.

AGAINST (There was no let down from the other side either)

  • ‎It makes the Singles sad and couples competitive with other couples.
  • It’s too commercialized and heavily based on whether one gets a gift or not.
  • Yet another stated that the the gift exchange has outranked the essence of what’s supposedly being celebrated when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
  • While someone said, I want gifts everyday or every other day especially when I am not expecting it.
  • Another comment was poignant, a ‘forced’ day to celebrate anyone on a specific day is borderline abuse.
  • If you need valentine in order to be reminded of what is and should be important, then you’ve got it twisted.
  • Someone said Valentine day’s is not even scriptural so we should even be talking about it.

Interesting points presented by both sides, this is my opinion though, if you had a wonderful valentine’s day and the following scenarios are true then it is overrated.

  1. If your relationship is back ‘normal’, by normal we mean absolute disregard for each other then valentine’s day is overrated.
  2. If the abuse, disappointment, shouting, shoving, pushing has returned then it is overrated.
  3. If married couples no longer see eye to eye and discuss issues respectfully with decorum, then it is overrated.
  4. If the loving support and intent to make the other individual better is long gone, then Valentine’s day and it’s associated hullabaloo is overrated.

However, if all of the above is not true then how can we say otherwise ?

One thing I do know is this: LOVE is not ‘OVERRATED’… It never fails, it actually cannot fail. It sustains, it does not force itself, it doesn’t keep score, it revolutionizes, nurtures, it doesn’t misbehave, it doesn’t disappoint, does not provoke, does not irritate, and isn’t always ‘me first.’ It says the truth always, does not lie, endures long. (Culled from 1 Cor 13).

It’s been more than 36 hours for all of us (regardless of time zones), let’s move beyond Valentine’s day and focus on celebrating Real Love everyday. Now, that can not be overrated or what do you think ?

pF*

Stats source: National Retail Association, http://blog.seattlepi.com/boomerconsumer/2009/02/12/valentines-day-facts-and-figures/

#4

It’s Friday, Thank God!
Count down fever ? Not Here!!!

By the way, do let me know what you think about my top 10 love quotes.
Freely share yours and who knows maybe it will make my list in 2013.

Without much ado, here is #4: “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.” SOS 3:5b MSG

Read the summary below to understand the context and appreciate the agony, passion, sacrifice, demand, feelings and intensity of a wife in love…

“Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover.
I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful.
So I got up, went out and roved the city, hunting through streets and down alleys. I wanted my lover in the worst way!

I looked high and low, and didn’t find him. And then the night watchmen found me as they patrolled the darkened city. “Have you seen my dear lost love?” I asked. No sooner had I left them than I found him, found my dear lost love.
I threw my arms around him and held him tight, wouldn’t let him go until I had him home again, safe at home beside the fire. Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:  Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”

Interesting right ? I guess so.
pF*