Will Love Find You?


Are you ready and available?


Relationships are complex and broad brush strokes. ​When applied to extremely complex situations is unfair, unimaginative and rarely helpful. There is a reason why many clichés and opinions do not help many people. Conversely, often times we complicate simple ​things by over-thinking or over-analyzing due to ignorance or limited information. I know this much is true; it is very easy to generalize and be dismissive in the same breadth when we discuss relationships. For example, when we say are you ready and available, what comes to mind? What do you think?

​​There are three possible outcomes when you are “Ready and Available”.

The first category: BRUISED AND BATTERED

There are those that have ventured out but have been burned significantly or emotionally battered:

You were once ready and available
You gave love a chance
Trusted him or her and eventually got burned (either got played, cheated on, left behind, treated badly etc)
Long story short, you are now in a bad place…

  • Confused and frustrated
  • Timid and unsure
  • Perhaps equally upsetting is the fact that no one cares or understands. To that I can relate because ​​I understand.

You are stuck between a hard place and a rock.
That’s no permanent place to be.It is an OK place to be but only for a short while.

First of all, you are going to need to heal.
You have to get back to 100% because where you are is surreal.It’s a dark place and perhaps comfortable but we need to get some light into that place, “your space”.

Light brings some clarity, illumination, fresh breath, new hope, new word, new possibilities. ​With light comes the strength to rebuild, retool, repair and refresh. Light allows you to get back to the place where you love yourself unconditionally.​The place where you are okay with being yourself.

That place of serenity and calmness. Honestly, it makes sense if you don’t have time for everyone…and if relationship is the last thing on your mind. It’s OK, we understand because ​you need time to get better.

This place reminds me of Ruth…after she lost her husband, her livelihood, her companion, her neatly arranged, beautiful life. But she allowed light and wholesome words (advice from a seasoned mentor, Naomi to guide her through her nightmare. ​This might sound crazy but it is at this place of rebuilding, retooling, repairing and refreshing one’s spirit, soul and body that many find what they are looking for…the place of healing becomes the place of recovery and restoration.  Isn’t that amazing that where one chooses to focus on being right is where one finds the right one? It’s true…

The second category: POISED OR RESTLESS

There are those that are truly ready financially, physically, psychologically but haven’t found the right one or haven’t been found yet. Often the folks in this category are either poised and confidently waiting or searching for the right one or fidgeting and worried about the future. These folks have a clear picture of what and who they want or need. It’s so clear…they can ‘see’ it. This group is poised and simply waiting for the right opportunity.

Yet, there are others that have these similar attributes but are restless and borderline paranoid. They are the folks who oscillate between the two extremes – some days are much better than the rest.  They are often, conflicted and irritated with intense mood swings. They know their behaviour and actions do not make sense and also understand that their ‘back and forth’ is actually antagonistic to their long term goals but are unable to do something about it. They have those ‘kind-of’ days where the memories of the ‘EX’ blur the focus and perspective of the ‘NEXT’. Days when the past torments them more than the future excite them.  Days so dark, you can grab the darkness.

Enough with the madness!

Stop already. It’s time to step away from that craziness and let some light in. Stop comparing yourself with your peers. Filter out the noise, especially negative noise. Forget the past. Release yourself from your ‘ex’ and focus on what’s next. Encourage yourself. Stop doubting yourself. Remind yourself

If Ruth (a widower) eventually found love then why won’t you? Why not you? Give me your reasons, watch me smash them as I ask you to embrace the possibilities of what will happen if you believe right and not what might happen.

Live your life

The third category: TRAVELLER

These are the folks that are “Ready and Available” and on a journey. The folks in this category are experiencing the realities of a relationship and in some case looking forward to what’s ahead.  Some are stuck and conflicted but are reluctantly going along for the ride. If you fall into the first category, focus on building, nurturing and growing your relationship. Guard against complacency and watch out for love killers by focusing on the little things that matter. To those on a journey but you still feel the void within your soul. It’s time to be honest and face the truth.

Ask yourself questions – those hard questions you’ve been avoiding such as:

  1. Are you really happy?
  2. Does this relationship have a future?
  3. How does the relationship and your boy/girlfriend compliment you?
  4. Lastly, ask if this relationship has an eternity focus?

Remember, the relationships are not really destinations in themselves but part of the process and really a journey. Make sure you know where you are going and that you’ve chosen the right individual as your companion. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a “hell-on-earth” experience whereas you’ve been destined for heaven on earth.

It’s your choice, so choose wisely.

NB: Don’t forget to share this article with a friend that needs it. Pass the message on.

Image Sources: LoveQuotesImages

[Now Available] 127 Questions Every Single Should Ask

Marriage is hard work.
Probably the most challenging and at the same time the most fulfilling human institution as well.

127 Questions To Ask

For the record, the seemingly  increased failure doesn’t obscure the beauty and grand design of marriage rather it challenges us to question all assumptions, prepare adequately and work harder.

This new book is an ideal resource for those considering this noble institution, designed as a quick read, a ‘go-to’ browse-on-the-go resource on questions for singles, engaged and newly married couples.

The questions in the book cover critical components to consider before marriage such as the past, sex, communication, culture and money matters to mention a few.

Through personal experience and research on marital bliss, the author, Flo Falayi highlights the questions to ask during courtship and well into marriage. These questions help eliminate assumptions, address potential compatibility issues, reduce marital tensions, disappointments and eradicate regrets.

This is a MUST-READ book, get yours now on Amazon.com, click here: http://www.amazon.com/kindle/dp/B00V3PSX9G/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_eos_detail

Thank you & God bless.

Am I settling, when I settle down?

There is a tension between settling and settling down!

“…some women in their twenties leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality.”

 – Kristine Huntley’s review on Lori Gottlieb’s book, “Marry Him, The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough”.

Every single ought to know these truths: 

  • There is a difference between settling and settling down.
  • There are no perfect human beings, hence no perfect relationships, spouses, marriages (don’t let the social media posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram rile you up.
  • All successful relationships embrace to some degree the notion of settling within settling down.
  • And, yes…there is a real struggle to be won between “SETTLING” and “SETTLING DOWN”.

Natural Inclination – FEAR OF SETTLING:
We are so afraid of settling!
Yet, most of us will eventually have to settle to settle down at some point, so we must apply great care to ensure the concept of settling down is not destroyed because we all settle.

  • I am concerned by people blinded by this fear who continue to block and prevent great relationships from developing and in some cases have inadvertently destroyed ‘wonderful’ opportunities.
  • I am concerned by some’s inability to separate fantasy from reality.
  • I am concerned that the pragmatic approach needed in some relationships have been renamed.
  • I am concerned by the heartaches, loneliness, disappointments, regrets and failed relationships.
Let’s Talk:
  1. I don’t want you living in fear of settling.
  2. I want to let you know that ALL relationships start and thrive by the delicate balance between  the pragmatic desire of “SETTLING DOWN” with the notion of “SETTLING”. In order words, most great relationships and marriages go through the process of ‘SETTLING’ to arrive at “SETTLING DOWN”.
  3. Isn’t it time to carefully appropriate these hugely popular quotes and clichés as some of them especially on “SETTLING” need to be understood and applied within the right context(s). Consider this popular quote:


I do however agree with the next two images (message) though:


What is important is ensuring that when we settle, we do so correctly and for the right reasons. As a side note, I am reminded that when one falls in love with someone, accepting their shortcomings does not feel like settling. Isn’t that the truth?

So are you settling when you settle down? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Settle Down

I want to hear from you, let know your thoughts, do you agree or disagree?

Resources (articles & more to consider): 

  1. Why I think those who settle will eventually cheat –http://madamenoire.com/216077/the-danger-of-marrying-for-practical-purposes-why-i-think-those-who-settle-are-potential-cheaters/ 
  2. 4 Reasons not to settle




  • Listen to “Stop Making EXCUSES


Remember #RelationshipMatters!

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is the founder of RelationshipMatters & HybridLeaders.  He is married with kids and passionate about Leadership, Singles, Relationships and helping people maximize their life & relationships. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events locally and internationally.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

[New Post] How to Make Love With Your Clothes On

BirdCan we be honest? Everyone’s looking for a perfect relationship yet no one is willing to work hard for it.

A vibrant loving relationship is indeed challenging mentally and physically but the feedback from those who put in the hard work and pay the price is encouraging, because they all confirmed the great success that follows the efforts. In their words, the rewards are well worth it! So don’t ‘cop’ out, put in the work necessary.

In the same spirit of being honest, there is no doubt that we all struggle with romance but personally I am finding that the key is in initiating, taking small steps, being consistent and never becoming complacent or insensitive. Some of the insights (tips) I hold dear till date came from David & Anne Frahm’s book, titled “How To Make Love With Your Clothes On” below:

  • The firm foundations of a romantic relationship are built upon the delights of surprise
  • Little things mean the world to women”
  • Catching a woman off guard ‘now and then adds drama to a marriage, that most women crave.

Listed below are 10 ways to make love with your clothes on and I want to dare you to try them out, the results will surprise you.


  1. Leave a ‘provocative’ message for your spouse on the answering machine
  2. Open the car door for her, both getting in and getting out
  3. Call her during the day just to tell her you love her and that you’ve been thinking about her
  4. At an unsuspecting moment, sweep her into your arms and tell her that she’s your best friend
  5. Ask her opinion on an important decision you’ve got to make
  6. Pray with her over her concerns
  7. Compliment her on her appearance
  8. Tape a note to the bathroom scale that says “Just Right”
  9. Surprise her with flowers because it’s true that “Flowers like women, bring beauty into the world and they belong together”
  10. Make time to talk and listen

I will love to hear from you the ones that worked for you as well as others you are trying out or have tried or heard of. In addition, do you need help in your relationship(s), marriage or life? Remember, you are not alone, help is available. Email info@relationshipsdomatter.com

Author: ‘Flo Falayi, Ph.D.(c) is a preacher, speaker and author. A husband and father with a passion for reviving and empowering the next generation. Flo hosts and speaks at conferences, seminars and events nationally on Leadership and Relationship Mattters.

Follow Flo On Twitter; @holyflo
Subscribe to the Leadership & Relationship Newsletter, click HERE

What’s the ideal age to be married? #Poll

At what age would you like to get married ? (Ideal age)

#AskMe #RDMPoll

Alone in the City 4 | Relationships Do Matter

Alone in the City 4 | Relationships Do Matter

When the rubber meets the road, what do you do? This is a recent issue that was brought to my attention for counsel/advice. This issue of social drinking and oftentimes heavy drinking of alcoholic beverages of various kinds amongst ‘saints’ has become a new craze and trend it seems. Is this worrisome? Frightening? I think it demands our attention.

What should this single, mature lady do?

  1. Should she wait until he proposes before bringing up her concerns?
  2. Should she wait till after the wedding?
  3. Should she keep quiet and continue to manage the situation?
  4. Should she make her move ‘now’ and demand/assist her boyfriend in getting help ?

Here’s the Issue:

After some months of long distance dating and with everything going so smoothly and all, the couple decided it’s time to take their relationship to the next level and move closer to each other (thereby eliminating the distance) and affording them the opportunity to spend more time getting ready for a life of bliss (marriage) together. Things fell into place when the girlfriend finally got a job closer to her boyfriend’s city of abode. By relocating, she is much closer to boyfriend (same city not same dwelling) and less than a week after relocating she discovers her Christian boyfriend’s well conceived secret, she discovers her boyfriend is a classic drunk (someone who drinks socially but on occasion gets ‘wasted’ – drunk, incoherent and out of control.

So “What” should this single, mature and ready (38 years old) lady do?

Alone in the City 4

RDM Production

Alone in the City 3

It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.

Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.

Go with my gut?

A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.

I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.

On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.

So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.

“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”

But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.

He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?

Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.

Stay connected with RDM-
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Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014

“Alone in the City”

Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.

She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.

Her Introduction –

Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) –
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.

Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.

This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.

Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.

I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.

I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.

Connect with RDM, here:
Follow Blog: www.relationshipsdomatter.com
Like us RDM on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipsdomatter
Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/relationshipsdm

It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)

Relationships Do Matter, 2014


Singles, this piece is for you. Let’s talk about myths especially those subtle beliefs within your hearts and heads. I elaborated on these three last weekend during my monthly hangout session and hope they are thought provoking such that you realize the need to do more than you ever did last year in this new year. 

By the way, “MYTHS” are those widely held, but false beliefs or ideas. These three were some of the popular myths singles have and hold dearly to, no apologies as I ‘bust’ these myths and I remain hopeful that you will do more than react. Let me know your thoughts. 


MYTH: I can only be happy in a marital relationship. 
FACT: A ‘successful’ marriage (relationship) is not a product of selfishness, or one sided love. Rather, it is a journey that starts definitely before the wedding ceremony. If one is not happy being alone, how can one be happy coupled? 

MYTH: I am ready to marry and all I need to do is only pray. 
FACT: Unfortunately, just focusing on one aspect of preparation is naive and grossly insufficient. There are numerous critical ingredients that lead to a relationship and required to maintain a successful relationship or marriage.
MYTH: I don’t need mentoring or coaching (formal or informal). 
FACT: Every goal stands upon a plan. Purposeful coaching, mentoring and access to information and interaction in a conducive non-judgmental environment is vital. 

Discover more truths and be intentional about eliminating the popular, yet false beliefs you have about marriage and relationships. Find out more about growing in your relationships in 2014 here: RDM Relationship Academy

Relationships Do Matter
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Others: 4 Relationship (Marriage) Myths: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-terri-orbuch/relationship-fact-or-fict_b_774976.html


Reason #1: Why you should attend The Single Life HANGOUT – Jan 11th, 2014

The landscape is changing…Here’s 1 reason why you should attend “The Single Life” HangOut on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
New Rules, New Realities, New Approach and NEW EXPECTATIONS. #relationships #singles 

Sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.com/myevent?eid=10054026865

#1: 87: stands for the number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States in 2012. 
Source: US Census