Alone in the City 4 | Relationships Do Matter
When the rubber meets the road, what do you do? This is a recent issue that was brought to my attention for counsel/advice. This issue of social drinking and oftentimes heavy drinking of alcoholic beverages of various kinds amongst ‘saints’ has become a new craze and trend it seems. Is this worrisome? Frightening? I think it demands our attention.
What should this single, mature lady do?
Here’s the Issue:
After some months of long distance dating and with everything going so smoothly and all, the couple decided it’s time to take their relationship to the next level and move closer to each other (thereby eliminating the distance) and affording them the opportunity to spend more time getting ready for a life of bliss (marriage) together. Things fell into place when the girlfriend finally got a job closer to her boyfriend’s city of abode. By relocating, she is much closer to boyfriend (same city not same dwelling) and less than a week after relocating she discovers her Christian boyfriend’s well conceived secret, she discovers her boyfriend is a classic drunk (someone who drinks socially but on occasion gets ‘wasted’ – drunk, incoherent and out of control.
So “What” should this single, mature and ready (38 years old) lady do?
Alone in the City 4
It’s weird when who one has, isn’t who one wants.
It’s also weird when who one needs isn’t who one is with.
It is also weird when one knows who the right one is before he or she is even in the picture. Guess what, it really isn’t that weird after all.
Here’s the latest post by the lady who is Alone in the City.
Go with my gut?
A few weeks ago, I was asked out on a date by an administrator at a school where I help out with extracurricular events. As he was in charge of all after-school programs, I was required to meet up with him every week to discuss the program’s direction and progress. I hadn’t realized that he had been checking me out.
I agreed to the date even though I had never considered him a romantic prospect. I have always preferred meeting potential dates randomly, in person, than online. I just think it’s more organic. Anyway, we went to a restaurant, ate and conversed for about two hours.
On paper and in person, he was a good potential partner. He had been at his job for over 10 years, owned his own home, played sports, tall and pleasant looking…as far as I could tell, this guy would be perfect for me or any girl for that matter.
So why did I feel absolutely no attraction. Even after our date, I thought maybe he could grow on me but I found myself forgetting about him until a text would come in from him, reminding me that he existed.
“Go on a second date,” my sister advised. “Many people don’t feel an attraction right away. Sometimes, these things take time.”
But I know myself. I’m a “love (or at least, like) at first sight type of girl. If I’m not feeling the guy early, I know I’ll never feel any chemistry with him. There have been times in the past where I haven’t followed my instincts and have ended up being accused of “leading someone on”.
He wrote the other day to ask if I wanted to go see a movie and I took a rain check. Should I bother, knowing I feel no attraction for this guy? Or is it possible for cold, non-existent feelings to eventually turn warm? Is chemistry really all that important or can love grow over time?
Thank you all for reading so far, and I look forward to your responses.
Alone in the City” is A Relationships Do Matter (RDM) Production 2014
Sometimes, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.
A few weeks ago I challenged a single lady…to stop complaining and doing the same things she did in 2013. I was adamant that she had to do something different in 2014. Well, well…what came out of it surprised me. She offered to share her ramblings including mode swings, prayers, expectations, fears, challenges, concerns, questions and stories weekly while offering the public a chance to weigh in as well.
She’s educated, matured, 30-40ish, christian lady and believe me we’ve decided to talk about anything. Nothing is off limit, or too sacred…and the kicker is there is absolutely no scripting whatsoever. She has the benefit of anonimity to be herself and so without much ado, I know each week will present it’s own share of fun, challenge and insight. Honestly, I can’t tell you how this ends…because I don’t know so why don’t we go on this journey together? I hope you tag along…it starts next week, Wednesday January 22nd. Excited? Absolutely, you should.
Her Introduction –
Hello dear friends of Relationships Do Matter (RDM) –
Recently, I decided to take Pastor Flo’s advice to stop doing the same things regarding my dating life in 2014. I mean, if I want to get out of living single and into marriage, I might actually have to leave my house, right? So far, The One hasn’t crashed through my roof so I guess he’s out there somewhere, waiting for me to meet him halfway or he has been searching for me, who knows.
Me: I am a spontaneous, witty, funny late 30ish lady currently based in one of the cold regions in the US and and things can get really slow around these parts. I think I’m a decent-looking girl with some fashion sense. So I don’t understand why weeks go by, and not even a wink from a guy, any guy! Like a friend once said, “I don’t understand. It’s like I’m a ghost”. I know that being single is not a status and really means being content with the life I have but I have struggles.
This column is about me taking the bull by its horns this year. I’m going to try different things since the everyday “girl bumps into guy, they fall in love” scenario is not quite working (where I live, I’m more likely to bump into a snowbank). I will try online dating, I will not say no to any friends, family or strangers who want to play matchmaker, and I will not judge any guy until I’ve been out with him at least twice.
Your role, my dear readers, here is to help me along this journey. I will need your opinions and your advice. You will help me spot the red flags. You will tell me if I’m being overly picky.
I’m excited about this next phase of my life and look forward to sharing it with you. Pastor Flo (@holyflo) will be the voice of wisdom on this forum/exchange/conversation and will help us all tie our loose ends together. If there is a heated debate, his will be the calm voice that will bring folks back to order.
I look forward to the next few months and invite you to be a voice on this journey.
It will be fun, I hope !?!
Bye for now.
I am “Alone in the City” (c)
Relationships Do Matter, 2014
Singles, this piece is for you. Let’s talk about myths especially those subtle beliefs within your hearts and heads. I elaborated on these three last weekend during my monthly hangout session and hope they are thought provoking such that you realize the need to do more than you ever did last year in this new year.
By the way, “MYTHS” are those widely held, but false beliefs or ideas. These three were some of the popular myths singles have and hold dearly to, no apologies as I ‘bust’ these myths and I remain hopeful that you will do more than react. Let me know your thoughts.
MYTH: I can only be happy in a marital relationship.
FACT: A ‘successful’ marriage (relationship) is not a product of selfishness, or one sided love. Rather, it is a journey that starts definitely before the wedding ceremony. If one is not happy being alone, how can one be happy coupled?
Discover more truths and be intentional about eliminating the popular, yet false beliefs you have about marriage and relationships. Find out more about growing in your relationships in 2014 here: RDM Relationship Academy
Relationships Do Matter
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Others: 4 Relationship (Marriage) Myths: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-terri-orbuch/relationship-fact-or-fict_b_774976.html
The landscape is changing…Here’s 1 reason why you should attend “The Single Life” HangOut on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
New Rules, New Realities, New Approach and NEW EXPECTATIONS. #relationships #singles
Sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.com/myevent?eid=10054026865
#1: 87: stands for the number of unmarried men 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States in 2012.
Source: US Census
Join the RDM’s 1st “Hangout on Air” in 2014.
Exclusively for Singles (single, single & dating, single & engaged, recently single, divorced, single parents) etc. Invite your friends, it’s going to be a blast. #relationships #singles #hangoutsonair
9.00AM CST (MidWest)
10.00AM EST (East Coast)
3.00PM GMT (London/Europe)
4.00PM WAT (Lagos/West African Time)
5.00PM CAT (South Africa/Central African Time)
Questions or concerns, email – firstname.lastname@example.org
It’s starting to feel like Spring. I hope and trust this meets you well. This is a follow up to our conversation about your journey, yep that ‘relationship’ journey filled with its numerous challenges and fun. LOL! I understand the expectations, the dos and don’ts’. Does it get easier, you ask?
Well, I know how you feel. I really do feel your pain; you’re struggling, pressured, overwhelmed and frustrated. I sense your desire to give up, you’ve said it numerous times that it’s probably better to be average than go all out. You posit that it’s easier that way; easier to deal with anguish, disappointments, failures and intermittent victories if you are average. Maybe it won’t hurt that much…
If I can just be honest for a moment, average and it’s dull amber lights teases you to succumb to it’s lies, it’s easy it seems considering how common and popular it is. I do admit that there is a tendency to assume here and as I speak to others just like you, there is no denying the fact that this is one of the biggest issues many singles face daily. The monster called peer pressure, the pressure to succumb to the majority, to fit in and to be accepted.
Can we just talk ? Can I be frank?
Why bother you ask?
Why bother confronting average, a state many would rather assume is ideal?
Why be different when it’s easier to blend in?
Well, before you tune me out understand that isn’t about the past; our past is past but about the wondrous opportunities in our future. Ever since I met Grace, my perspective has changed. For this ‘Grace’ in the book of Titus 2, verse 11- 15 appeared with an agenda for mankind and quickly became to teach all what and how to deny, embrace, accept, adopt and display. See in my line of work mentoring, counseling and raising singles and leaders, I have realized it’s not about ease or convenience but obedience.
The injunction to stand out is not convenient at all.
You know this much don’t you?
Honestly, it has never been easy, so forget easy. It’s always been by Grace.
Join me for an hour long free tele-conference, it’s an hour long ‘Not for the faint of heart’, Sex & Single Conversation where all singles, Christ followers are challenged to step up and set a new standard for this generation! Don’t hide, don’t give in, don’t dismiss it…issues, questions and much more. I know you’ve got many questions and I think we better talk. Check it out first, keep your opinions at bay, click here – http://eepurl.com/jRyW5
PS: Some of the lessons for a successful relationship include numerous biblical insights, quotes, ideas with an appreciation of both sexes, male and female as well as wise counsel from my mentors who paved the way. These insights are in my new book, ‘Relationships Do Matter’ and from which I will be sharing with you on the free conference call. So what are you waiting for?
Love is in the air, each one of us has a unique responsibility to guard and protect love so that it doesn’t wane. Here is the next quote on my list of favorite love quotes. Remember a love dose a day, keeps fear, hate, sorrow away. Feel free to share yours too by the way. #love rules.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” – Anais Nin
Love is in the air…it should be everyday anyway but here are some of my favorite, sound quotes on Love. A love dose a day keeps fear, hate, sorrow away. Feel free to share yours too by the way. #love rules.
#10: “Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement. -Gerald Jampolsky”